Tag Archives: parenting

April 9, 2008 · 10:30 am

All this anger and no where to go..

It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?

Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)

Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..

All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.

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April 7, 2008 · 7:35 pm

Need to see the gynie..

I’ve decided to make a trip to my gynie, much as I’ve been avoiding it, I think I should do it, because I want another child soon and need to find out if all is well. She’s going to scold me, I know, because she had told me after my daughter was born that I should not wait too long and that I should not come asking her what was wrong if I left it too late!

Agh. Anyway, I’ll tell her about all the mommyrage stuff.

Only recently have I regained some sanity, so here I am all ready to lose it again and I am excited about it, don’t ask me why I just am. Maybe because I have not much else to look forward to, so that’s why..that sounds sadder that it is!!

I know life is not that simple, but I want to know, one way or another, what I am going to be doing this year – sitting at home getting bigger, or making my way back to work – and stupidly I am looking at the answer she gives me to help me make a decision.

Silly eh?

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April 1, 2008 · 2:41 pm

All I want is another one..

For the longest time I’ve wondered if I wanted another child, and, after much deliberation, I decided I did. I know there’s all this mommyrage stuff and the obvious thing to ask is, will it push me over the edge??

I thought about it – and came to some interesting conclusions. The main one was that I am standing, and here’s where it gets tricky, quite far from the edge, so, another baby will push me closer to the edge, but not over it (some analysis hah? what can I say, it comes with being a woman who thinks a lot!!)

Now, I know there are those of you reading this saying “mmm, don’t be so sure sister”, and frankly I would have had the same reaction if I’d read this on some other blog, but, you know it’s a bit like watching a speeding car – you are not in control so you wonder if the driver will know when to apply the brakes, but the driver knows what she/he is doing. So, I am, kind of, the driver and I like to think I know what I am doing!

The trouble, however, is that I am not getting pregnant – and it is worrying me. I plan to go see my gynie soon, because I want to start the process now and ideally have the baby by the time my two-year old is three..but each month I get disappointed and crabby. I am on the wrong side of thirty and have little time..

And it’s like a chain reaction: not having baby=biological clock ticking(not crazy about the phrase but it’s relevant)=stress=pressure on them poor eggs who can’t take the stress=more crabbiness=taking out on unsuspecting husband (who does not know how much time I spend thinking)=crabby husband…and it goes on and on, and, this is the TIP of the iceberg. I am not even getting into all the will-anyone-ever-give-me-a-job stuff.

I think I need a cup of coffee. What the heck, at least I can enjoy the coffee since no baby’s on the way yet!

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March 28, 2008 · 3:41 pm

Getting her off the bottle

She won’t give it up. I get a firing from her pediatrician every time I meet him – he’s convinced that each time she gets a stomach bug, it’s because of the bottle. I don’t necessarily agree, knowing how anal I am about her sterilizing. He, however, remains unmoved (and unamused!)

But, try as I might, my daughter won’t relent.

I told my husband, who is subscribes to the let-her-do-what-she-wants school of thought, that the next time I have to take her to the doc, he’s coming with me! But see, my husband does not have the time (something I don’t grudge him, no honestly, I am not shy about telling him when I do!) he’s got to keep the home fires burning and he’s at work, so it’s not something he can help. What he can help, however, is not being so soft on some issues..the bottle being one of them. I find it hard enough, as it is, because she wails and wails and I feel bad too, because I can she that she’s really upset, as opposed to times when she’s generally throwing a tantrum and trying to look more hurt that she really is.

So, I find it hard, and so far I’ve not been able to give her the glass – she hates the sight of it. But when I do try and be strict, my husband gives in and tells her that he’d give it to her!! She’s only just about two, but she knows who to plead to in this case.

Anyhow, I’ve decided to defer it a little, I’ll try again when she’s two and a half. And if in the meantime I have to go to the doc again (touch wood), my husband’s coming with me!!

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March 21, 2008 · 7:00 am

I complained that I had no shoes, till I saw someone who had no feet..

The heading says it all. I met a friend yesterday who was in town for a few days and we caught up after a long time. She lives in a joint set-up, in-laws et all. That’s never easy and in her case her mom-in-law is kind of from the stone age, you know the sort: does not want her to work but wanted a well educated daughter in law..

She vented all day and I didn’t know what to say to her. I mean I knew what to say but knowing someone’s reality, you can’t just dole out irrelevant advise! Her husband is living in another town for work and will do so for another six months, at least, so she’s at home with her four year old, her in laws, including the sister in law – recipe for disaster if you ask me. And they all want to tell you what to do and how to do it.

I would’ve cracked, so it’s amazing that she’s still sane. The interference is so much that even when she feeds her daughter dinner, her mom in law will tell her what to feed and what not to. She does not have a moment to herself since she works too (a very sore point with her mom in law), though she’s back home by the afternoon as she’s a teacher.

She’s stuck in a situation and her husband does not see anything wrong with it, tells her not to crib and be happy, while he prefers to stay out and not be involved. Convenient, really.

I felt bad for her and in a strange way, it made me appreciate my own situation, which is no where close to hers..

Am not feeling crabby today at all!!

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March 13, 2008 · 3:10 am

When do you move them out to their room?

I’ve been good about putting my daughter in her cot, and she loves to sleep in it. The next phase of moving her to her room, however, is going to be difficult.

In India, it’s kind of normal for the kids to sleep in the same room as the parents till they are five or six, sometimes even later. I am not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know it’s good to move them out sooner rather than later, but when I actually do it, would I be worried about her at night? Will I go to her room five times at night to check on her? And I am not even getting into how she’ll take to it, or rather not take to it, knowing my two-year old!

It’s easier when there are two kids, I guess. I have two siblings and we used to sleep in our room as kids. I, being the youngest, was always happy to be with them, we’d joke and laugh (and fight!) at night and I loved it. But, in the case of my daughter it’s going to be different, since she’s the only one, and, because I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom, she’s quite clingy.

But thinking about it, I’ve realized that it’s as much about me as it is about her. I first need to be ok about it and only then will I be able to convince her. Kids are really smart about knowing how serious their parents are about something they want them to do. If she detects uncertainty, or even leniency, in my voice when I tell her, she won’t do it. She knows when I mean business and when I don’t!

So I have to think about it a little more, and then break it to her only when I am sure. But, I have to say, I will miss her at night (see what I mean??) – miss peering into her cot to see if her blanket is still on her and to see her angelic sleeping face – aren’t they so very angelic when they sleep!

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March 6, 2008 · 7:30 pm

Potty training the husband!

My daughter is now two and I have to say that training her to pee and poo was very very easy, I guess I was just lucky, but I also tried hard – used to put her on the pot first thing in the morning and to keep her there I would sing and tell her stories, till she got used to it. She was fully trained at a year and a half. Now it’s only the night diaper that needs to go.

But, that’s where my luck ends. I’ve not been able to train her father!

I was in my room the other day and my daughter said “mama potty”. Now she says potty even when she needs to pee, so I told my husband to make her sit on the pot, since I was busy with something. He took her to her bathroom and after about two minutes I heard him screaming for me and for the maid, who was eating her dinner. My heart sank. In the five seconds it took me to get to them, I had imagined all sorts of gory scenarios.

I ran into the bathroom, as did my maid, our hearts in our mouths. He looks at me and says “she’s doing the real potty!!” he was close to hysterical.

I stopped in my tracks and blinked. “Potty?, that’s it?”

“Real Potty!” he declared again.

My daughter was amused:”Mama, dad does not know how to clean potty!”

My maid looked at me and started laughing (it lightened the mood I have to say, I was pretty mad)

I could not believe it. He looked at me helplessly, and said: “I don’t know what to do”

Me: “Don’t know what to do!!! Stick your finger in her bum and wash it!” (In India we use water to wash)

He handed her to me, saying: “I am not good at this stuff”

Me: “I was not born knowing what to do, try washing, it’s really not that hard!”

He could not do it, has not done it once in these two years and I guess he’s not about to start now.

Go, guess who was left holding the baby? Yup, yours truly.

I could train an eighteen month old, but that’s not possible for her thirty-something father!

What can I say, except “aaaaggghhhhhhhhhh!!!”

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