All this anger and no where to go..

It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?

Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)

Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..

All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.

3 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

3 responses to “All this anger and no where to go..

  1. **Hugs**

    When I read this post, I felt like I was reading about my own life from back when I was at home, trying to find a job and trying to conceive. I know exactly how you must feel. I am so sorry you are going through this – hope it gets better for you soon.

    Take care.

  2. I am sure you will work this out for yourself, without unsolicited advice… all I would say is that it is your decision, so don’t get the mom-in-law angle into your decision. And the other thing is that there is no such thing as a happy decision. It’s restlessness vs. guilt – you decide!

  3. a broad

    You are not alone. Living in the USA, as South Africans, my visa does not entitle me to work and it frustrates me endlessly. My second child is turning five and going to Kindergarten and i though it would be great to get a part time job even or start my own thing again but I can’t. I sometimes feel that on the domestic chore front, I fail dismally because i am not into it. You need to make this decision for yourself and don’t let anyone influence how you think or how you should be. A happy mom makes for a happy child…so do what makes you happy…

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