Tag Archives: stay at home

All this anger and no where to go..

It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?

Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)

Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..

All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.



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What have you been doing with your time? No, seriously, the kid stuff aside.

Some one asked me this question the other night. He was an older gentleman, vaguely related to me. We were at this party and he asked me what I’ve been doing for the past two years apart from having “one big holiday”. I bit my tongue and didn’t take the bait. I’ve learned not to, because people love to rile you up and it negatively affects no one but you. But, this gentleman in question refused to relent, he kept asking me, much to the consternation of his poor (and quite lovely) wife.

I still didn’t take the bait. That irritated him and it made me chuckle, which made him madder. But, I did tell him that I thought he had a wonderful wife who, incidentally, had given up work to bring up their kids. That was ok with him, because she was doing what a wife must do!!

So I told him that I intended to enjoy my “holiday” for a long time to come, just like his wife had enjoyed hers.

But, I have to admit, and I hate to, that it affected me, his remark and calling my time away from work and with my daughter a “big holiday”. That’s what men think, most men think it irrespective of what they may say, that being at home is not that much of a big deal, anyone can do it. The mentality is : ya all this house and baby stuff is great, and here pat-pat on your back ; there! makes you feel better? But, come on don’t pretend it’s real work.

It makes me mad, and I try not to think about it, but can’t help wondering why men just don’t get it? They want to have their cake and eat it too..so you want to marry a smart- intelligent-career woman, someone who can look good too with you at social events, but who should be willing to give up everything and bring up your child. And, you don’t want to admit that it’s a big deal, after all you earn the bread and the woman only spends it, so why complain?

That chauvinist thinking, scarily, has not changed much from the last generation. And I wonder when it will, but I am hoping my daughter does not have to put up with this nonsense when she grows up.

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Filed under mommyrage