April 9, 2008 · 10:30 am
It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?
Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)
Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..
All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.
January 20, 2008 · 8:03 pm
It always happens. I sleep late after a long day and she wakes up just as I am drifting into sweet sleep. When I have a good day and am not tired, she sleeps like a baby (who ever invented that line?).
So I get impatient and by the end if it I also get a headache. Then I feel guilty for being impatient and get an even bigger headache. Guilt is the worst thing, it really is.
Motherhood is not easy and it’s the toughest at night, but your snoring husband will never understand that.
December 14, 2007 · 1:29 pm
Let me say this first, that this will sound a little insane, given all the venting I’ve been doing about mommy rage and the rest of it (but I’ll defend that later). That said, let me say it: – I am considering a second baby. Yup, that’s right. I want another one, not so much for myself, but for my daughter.
But wait, I am not totally crazy – may be a little – but not all gone yet. The thing is that I believe, and I could be waaay wrong, that having a second one is going to actually make it better, if I can do the whole nappy-change-sleep-deprived-will-lose-it thing again. It’ll be tough for two years and given that at the end of those two years I am still not in an asylum, I think, seriously, that it’ll be good.
My two year old will, say I have one nine months from now, be about five when the younger one will be two, so from then on, they’ll be company for each other.
I’ve actually studied this, not to mention been told this like a zillion times by my mother, that mothers with two kids find that they demand much less of their time that those with one, who needs to be entertained constantly. Of course there are days when all you do is sort out their little fights..but all in all, it’s better to have two.
That’s the theory and I am not sure if it’ll translate into anything, but if it does, I am hoping that I am thinking it right. If not, I’ll be blogging from an asylum in about two years. Yup, I think I’ll still blog.
For now, it’s back to potty training. Sigh.