Motherhood is a thankless job, and I am doing it. Never thought I would give up work and do it full-time. When you are young, footloose and fancy-free, you have all these notions about life and work and all the rest of it and you make bold declarations about how you’ll never do this and never do that. Right. Eat your words now. That’s what I am doing, eating my big fat words and looking after my eleven-year-old and a pair of almost eight-year-old twins. I’ve recently got back to work after ten years – yes, at the bottom of the ladder..
It’s hard, no two ways about it. It’s the mother who, well mostly -we’re not talking exceptions here, takes the brunt of it. It does not have to be that way.
That said, now something about me: I am a mother, who, like a million others, is trying to strike that seemingly impossible, yet achievable for some, balance between work, life and child. Some say it’s easy if you’re organized. Right, it’s that simple.
I am trying to do the balance thing now, with the kids now at full-day school. Have started working full-time and try to write as well. I love the fact that I am doing something apart from the same old domestic stuff. But, it’s a constant effort..constant, constant, never ending effort. And it’s tiring.
I believe that mothers live with the ultimate quandary – career or child? Men believe it does not have to be either or. It does not have to be, but it is. That’s the truth. Even if you don’t quit work totally and just take the slow path, it still affects your career, let’s not kid ourselves. I am a living example of it. I have settled for a paltry amount to work for, just because I need some flexibility – even though end up working full-time.
And no matter what road you take – the career-is-most-important one or the will-do-what-it-takes for my child one, you’ll look back, years later and wonder, even regret, not taking the other road. Yes, it’s true, that’s not going to change.
What I say to mothers (and to myself) is that try not to think too much about how you’ll feel ten years from now, because not even you can know the answer to that question.
7 responses to “About”
I love the way u have expressed about motherhood..i got married this september and want to have a happy carefree life for sometime but my hubby, mom and MIL want a kid soon..
I am still not too sure and reading your blog has made me realise that balancing a career and a baby is not the easiest thing!!
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Thanks for keeping this blog and being so frank about the 2 sides of the coin. As another mom, who has made the choice to watch children for next few years over career – I feel much better reading and knowing that a lot of us feel the same thing.
Hope you stumbled upon this (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/) and (http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2013/03/12/the-two-things-sheryl-sandberg-says-she-would-do-to-make-things-better-for-women/).
Anyways, keep bringing on more posts to the blogosphere.
I agree totally….my daughter refuses to talk to me …she says that my presence irritates her !She skipped school today as there was a test & now she expects me to get a dress for her as she has forgotten to carry it for a friend who wants to borrow it for a party.
If I do what she wants,I am elastic…if i do not ,I am tough…..I have no answers…whatever I do ,I will question myself.And there will be no reply that will satisfy me.
What I want to say is “I hear you soul sister!” Really, it’s cheesy (who cares?) but it’s true. Soooo many mothers feel this way. I cannot agree with you more on what you say about being elastic – I tell my daughter the same thing – if I do what she wants, I am the greatest, if not, I am being unfair. Remind me someone, did we talk back to our parents at 8??
Wow… I feel you @mommyrage.
I’m at the same place in my life which you have been a few years back. I’m a happy mother to a beautiful 3-year-old daughter. my husband is working in a well reputed MNC and going good on his professional front. I should be very happy and satisfied on the outside, but I always feel a little emptiness inside. I have graduated from an engg college 5 years back and have no work experience whatsoever but i badly want to get into the professional world. I keep telling myself that being a good mother and housewife is not what I’m meant to do, I must do something more with my life.
Your post on getting back to work has inspired me so much. You understand Indian women very well.
Thank you so much for enlightening me.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. It means a lot. You absolutely must work – there is nothing like persuing your own ambition, and you know what, if it means you can’t do some things with your child, well, so be it – you’ve got to balance it. And also, do not feel the guilt when you do start work..because women have a lifelong connection with guilt..