April 18, 2008 · 11:30 am

What do you teach your kids?

I was in the park the other day with my two year old daughter and she was running around playing with her ball, kicking it with a lot of gusto, something that delighted my mother’s heart since I’d like her to be an outdoor girl and I hugely discourage playing with barbies or any such disturbing habits!

Anyway, it was a nice evening, till a little toddler came and snatched her ball and almost punched her in the face. She recoiled and gave up her prized possession and ran to me. I asked her why she had allowed someone so much younger to bully her. She looked up at me, blinked and said :” Mama I was sharing”

I was dumbfounded. It’s something I’d been teaching her – to share and be nice and all that “values” stuff we like to teach our children. But at that moment I wondered if I was making her too soft. Not that I want to teach her to bully, but by telling her that she should always be nice to people, esp to kids, had I made her an easy target for other kids?

I am not sure how I feel. I mean, I certainly do not want her to be scared of kids and run away from situations, but neither do I want her to be aggressive just because the world around her is. So, I told her that it’s nice to share, but when someone snatches or tries to hurt her, she should not allow it and push if need be. But I am not sure she understood.

It made me think. What should one teach one’s children? If I bring her up to be honest, upright and caring – the values my parents taught us – will that lead to her being disillusioned later in life? It’s possible that I may be making too much of one small incident, but it was something that led me to think about parenting issues and the warped, violent world that our children are going to grow up in.

2 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 11, 2008 · 9:54 am

The right playschool..

It’s only playschool, for God’s sake, and I am deliberating over it like some would over grad school (so God help me when that happens, but, I may well be insane by then, so it won’t matter!) Anyway, back to the point and to the present, I have been scouting play schools for my two year old and I have not found one that I would jump at. It’s possible, I admit, that I may be looking for too much..

What I wanted was a place that was not like a “school” per say, with classrooms and the rest of it, but a warm environment that the kid would take to. They all have the regular wooden toys, bright walls, brain stimulating games and all that great stuff,  but I feel that they – and by they I mean the better ones where the staff can speak well, at least – all sort of merge into one another, doing everything by the book but lacking in imagination. It’s all good and fun etc etc, but it’s almost like they all went to the same how-to-run-a- playgroup school. And, let me add, that there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different does not necessarily mean better.

But still, I would have liked to go a place that seemed not to care that much about how they would appear  and cared more about each child and how to interact with them. Putting a child in a room full of posters, paint and toys is fun, but not so much if they do it five days a week!

Also, most people today think nothing of making a one time payment of some 25,000 rupees ($600 odd) (and there are those that are well higher than this) – not counting transport, food, etc etc..and then quarterly payments as well, and all this for a two year old??

Am I insane to think this is a bit much, or has the world finally lost it?

2 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 9, 2008 · 10:30 am

All this anger and no where to go..

It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?

Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)

Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..

All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.

3 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 7, 2008 · 7:35 pm

Need to see the gynie..

I’ve decided to make a trip to my gynie, much as I’ve been avoiding it, I think I should do it, because I want another child soon and need to find out if all is well. She’s going to scold me, I know, because she had told me after my daughter was born that I should not wait too long and that I should not come asking her what was wrong if I left it too late!

Agh. Anyway, I’ll tell her about all the mommyrage stuff.

Only recently have I regained some sanity, so here I am all ready to lose it again and I am excited about it, don’t ask me why I just am. Maybe because I have not much else to look forward to, so that’s why..that sounds sadder that it is!!

I know life is not that simple, but I want to know, one way or another, what I am going to be doing this year – sitting at home getting bigger, or making my way back to work – and stupidly I am looking at the answer she gives me to help me make a decision.

Silly eh?

2 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , ,

April 1, 2008 · 2:41 pm

All I want is another one..

For the longest time I’ve wondered if I wanted another child, and, after much deliberation, I decided I did. I know there’s all this mommyrage stuff and the obvious thing to ask is, will it push me over the edge??

I thought about it – and came to some interesting conclusions. The main one was that I am standing, and here’s where it gets tricky, quite far from the edge, so, another baby will push me closer to the edge, but not over it (some analysis hah? what can I say, it comes with being a woman who thinks a lot!!)

Now, I know there are those of you reading this saying “mmm, don’t be so sure sister”, and frankly I would have had the same reaction if I’d read this on some other blog, but, you know it’s a bit like watching a speeding car – you are not in control so you wonder if the driver will know when to apply the brakes, but the driver knows what she/he is doing. So, I am, kind of, the driver and I like to think I know what I am doing!

The trouble, however, is that I am not getting pregnant – and it is worrying me. I plan to go see my gynie soon, because I want to start the process now and ideally have the baby by the time my two-year old is three..but each month I get disappointed and crabby. I am on the wrong side of thirty and have little time..

And it’s like a chain reaction: not having baby=biological clock ticking(not crazy about the phrase but it’s relevant)=stress=pressure on them poor eggs who can’t take the stress=more crabbiness=taking out on unsuspecting husband (who does not know how much time I spend thinking)=crabby husband…and it goes on and on, and, this is the TIP of the iceberg. I am not even getting into all the will-anyone-ever-give-me-a-job stuff.

I think I need a cup of coffee. What the heck, at least I can enjoy the coffee since no baby’s on the way yet!

2 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

March 28, 2008 · 3:41 pm

Getting her off the bottle

She won’t give it up. I get a firing from her pediatrician every time I meet him – he’s convinced that each time she gets a stomach bug, it’s because of the bottle. I don’t necessarily agree, knowing how anal I am about her sterilizing. He, however, remains unmoved (and unamused!)

But, try as I might, my daughter won’t relent.

I told my husband, who is subscribes to the let-her-do-what-she-wants school of thought, that the next time I have to take her to the doc, he’s coming with me! But see, my husband does not have the time (something I don’t grudge him, no honestly, I am not shy about telling him when I do!) he’s got to keep the home fires burning and he’s at work, so it’s not something he can help. What he can help, however, is not being so soft on some issues..the bottle being one of them. I find it hard enough, as it is, because she wails and wails and I feel bad too, because I can she that she’s really upset, as opposed to times when she’s generally throwing a tantrum and trying to look more hurt that she really is.

So, I find it hard, and so far I’ve not been able to give her the glass – she hates the sight of it. But when I do try and be strict, my husband gives in and tells her that he’d give it to her!! She’s only just about two, but she knows who to plead to in this case.

Anyhow, I’ve decided to defer it a little, I’ll try again when she’s two and a half. And if in the meantime I have to go to the doc again (touch wood), my husband’s coming with me!!

1 Comment

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

March 21, 2008 · 7:00 am

I complained that I had no shoes, till I saw someone who had no feet..

The heading says it all. I met a friend yesterday who was in town for a few days and we caught up after a long time. She lives in a joint set-up, in-laws et all. That’s never easy and in her case her mom-in-law is kind of from the stone age, you know the sort: does not want her to work but wanted a well educated daughter in law..

She vented all day and I didn’t know what to say to her. I mean I knew what to say but knowing someone’s reality, you can’t just dole out irrelevant advise! Her husband is living in another town for work and will do so for another six months, at least, so she’s at home with her four year old, her in laws, including the sister in law – recipe for disaster if you ask me. And they all want to tell you what to do and how to do it.

I would’ve cracked, so it’s amazing that she’s still sane. The interference is so much that even when she feeds her daughter dinner, her mom in law will tell her what to feed and what not to. She does not have a moment to herself since she works too (a very sore point with her mom in law), though she’s back home by the afternoon as she’s a teacher.

She’s stuck in a situation and her husband does not see anything wrong with it, tells her not to crib and be happy, while he prefers to stay out and not be involved. Convenient, really.

I felt bad for her and in a strange way, it made me appreciate my own situation, which is no where close to hers..

Am not feeling crabby today at all!!

7 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

Tagged as , , , , , ,