Tag Archives: mommyrage

Schools. Gosh.

My five year old goes to a good school. OK, a great school. It’s one of the most sought after ones around here (elitist? you bet), with parents bending backwards to get their kids into it. I, actually, didn’t realize, when my daughter got admission, that it was so hot, but it is and getting hotter still.

Hotter and now, unfortunately, a bit arrogant too, with a don’t-like-it-leave-it attitude, which is not good, not good at all.

Tell me, am I overreacting when I say I don’t want to, as a parent, be assigned bus duty? What’s that? Well, it means that parents will be “encouraged”  to offer their services and be open to getting rostered duty on the school buses! Yes, you heard me. Not kidding! When I heard this, I was a bit, well, shocked, so I didn’t quite hold back my reaction and went ! “What the..”  Another parent, however, was open to it. (She said that she really wanted her second kid to get into the school, so she’d do what she could to get into the good books of the staff! ) Oh! come on! This is crazy, I said. She shrugged and informed me that she was part of the parent teacher association and intended to actually push the matter.(Not  a coincidence, I later thought, that her daughter is splattered all over the school magazine looking quite the star kid..hmm..)

Great. So now I pay through my nose (and other orifices!)  to send my kid to a good school only to be “requested” to spare a few hours every now and then to generally ride the school bus with a bunch of tired kiddos. Yup, my idea of a great afternoon. Not only that, what am I supposed to do with my kid on those days, the kid I pick up at the bus stop? I take her (hungry and tired) with me on this joyous ride too?

There is such a dearth of good schools and so many parents desperate for them, that schools get away with any shit these days. No one says a word.  The fee is hiked more regularly than fuel prices, but no one raises an alarm.I don’t exactly storm into the Principal’s room either! I am told they don’t take to well to revolt, and I am afraid my kid will suffer. So, I mutter to feel better and blog to vent  it out!

 

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When They Think Santa Is Real And Babies Come From Heaven..

All the bratiness and moodiness aside, four-five is one of the sweetest stages in a kid’s (and a parent’s)  life.

My (almost) five year old wants Santa’s number. She says she wants to make sure she’s on the “good-list”.  Her innocence and gullibility actually makes me sad, because, she believes most things she hears, takes the world at face value and thinks Santa is for real.  It’s sad because one day her perception of the world around her will change, and though that change will be gradual, it’ll be heartbreaking nevertheless. That’s growing up I guess. But, I don’t want to shatter it for her.  I don’t know what the right thing (what ever that is) to do is.  And I don’t care. All I know is that this is a wonderful stage in a kid’s life and I am not about to ruin it.

What do parents do? Do they let thier children live in fantasies and let them find out eventually by themselves, or do they start to prepare them to handle truths about life?

She’ll find out one day I know and she’ll ask me point blank, as she does most things, no matter how much I try and gloss over them. She used to ask me about my father-in-law, who passed away before she was born. I used to tell her what I could in a way that I thought she’d  be able to stomach. Then one day, when she was all of three, she came to me and said, “mama, I know grandpa is dead”. I had never used that word around her, but she figured it out. And she’ll figure this out too one day.

Till then, I’ll let her believe that there is a Santa, that the world is a good place, that babies are made in heaven and that her parents will live forever.

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Four year olds, and their moods.

My older daughter is a little over four and a half. She is, by and large, a well behaved kid. Or, so she was. Now she’s moody as hell. To the point that I have names for her depending on her moods.  We (she, my husband and I) laugh about this often – she, mostly, likes the fact that I have names for her sulky days, or whiny ones, also the happy ones.

She may wake up happy, but within minutes of opening her eyes, she’s turned into a sulk pot. For no reason. I make it a point to be in the room till she’s up and don’t, as far as I can help it, hold the babies  when she’s waking up, so she does not feel that her mommy has not been in the room while she’s been asleep (she does not like that and has told me this  on several occasions). But try as I might, she’s moody, and whiny. I can see that she wants to play and be happy but something holds her back. One day, when she was in a happy mood (which is not rare either) I asked her why she acts this way. She said that I didn’t play with her anymore and that I was always scolding her. This, obviously, was not the case, though I could see that she meant what she said. So, the point was, she felt this way.

Ok, so she was partly right, but only partly. I do have less patience than I used to and have less time to play/read to her. But I am doing the best I can. I spend as much time with her as I can, I don’t go out much and when I do I, mostly, take her with me, even if I don’t take the twins. but I guess for her four year old mind that’s not good enough. It’s all relative – she’s comparing to the time when the twins were not there and compared to that, of course, it’s different.

My mom tells me that my sister, the eldest,  used to be the same and when my brother was born (they are a year and a half apart) she went through the same thing with her. And now, my sister is the most loving sibling one could have. So I am thinking this will not have long term repercussions and that she’ll learn to accept (which, I can see she has to a large part) the fact that she has to share her mother.

The moods are there and I think they are here to stay for a while. I just have to be patient, because my losing it makes it worse. It’s hard, though, when you’ve woken up eight times at night (between the twins sometimes that’s the case) and then in the morning have to deal patiently with a four year old who is watching your every step and judging you for being “better” to the siblings!

It’ll pass I know. They are a happy bunch together, so when I see them all play and hear the ecstatic screams of the twins as the rush to hug their older sister when she returns from school, and she, in turn, dropping her bag to embrace them, I feel it’s all worth it.  I am happy that (hopefully) they’ll always have each other.

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Mama, what colour is God? Is God a man or a woman?

Tough questions to answer, not because I cannot deal with them or explain but because I thought these would come much later, not when she is four. But it only tells you how conscious kids become these days and how early.

I was bathing my four year old and she said that she wondered what colour God was, just out of the blue. Ouch. I said to myself. I was not in the mood for an explanation at that point, had a lot to do, twins(have eight month old twin girls) needed attention, but I didn’t want to just let it go and ward her questions off, not this one. So, briefly, I told her all the right things, to the best of my ability, about colour of the skin not mattering etc etc, about God not being one and of a single colour.  She nodded then added “but lighter is better, isn’t it?” I squirmed, then said “no”,  and patiently told her some more about what mattered more, about good deeds and good human beings rather than superficial things like skin colour. She didn’t questions any more and I am not sure what she took away from our conversation, which I am going to revisit in a few days when I have a little more time to explain better and after, frankly, I’ve given it a thought myself, about what I am going to say!

I know I must be prepared as a parent to face all sorts of questions, and a lot would depend on what I say, so I must be careful. But what disturbed me was the fact that colour of the skin mattered to her, and she could not have picked this up from the house, since I am very particular about such matters and like to say the right stuff in front of the kids. And it’s not like she’s partial to fairer people either, which is why I was surprised and a little upset. This tells you about the limited control you have over what your kid learns and picks up, sooo many factors influence them, and you have to constantly counter or reinforce these, as may deem necessary. Scary.

Parenting is not easy. I just hope I have the answers as the questions come along..

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All this anger and no where to go..

It’s bad for me to feel this angry, and anger may not even be the right word, it’s more restlessness but I am experiencing it in its extreme form right now. My life seems to be going nowhere, on any front. OK, my delightful daughter is God’s blessing and I am happy about that, but now that she’s two and I’ve spent so much time at home, I am wondering if it’ll just be this way. Will my life melt away as I do one domestic chore or the other?

Professionally its been slow for me, so I thought I’d have another child and get it over with, and that’s not happening, so I am stuck and I feel a lot of angst. The worst is that no one seems to care. My mom in law tells me that I should think about staying at home and being with the toddler because she needs me (while she tells he r own daughter, whose daughter is as old as mine, to never even dream about giving up work!)

Part of the fault is mine, because I’ve sunk into this domestic, complacent life and I need to snap out of it. But what’s upsetting is that no one seems to understand my restlessness, not even those who know me – the fact that I went from living in a foreign country, earning my own living and being very independent to living with my mom-in-law back home, looking after a child and not working, seems to be ok..

All I need is for someone to ask me why I am feeling this way, why, even after all the comforts in the world, I am so anxious and irate. There is a reason, right or wrong, it is what it is and I need someone to simply understand.

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It gets better, but not really

Ok so you get through these sleepless times by thinking that it gets better, and it does, but only so much..talk to some moms of older kids – and by older I mean kids between 6-10 years, because any older than that you’re looking at being forty something yourself and by then the getting-better thing is not going to be enough to cheer you up!

So getting back to my point, it really does not get that much better. Sure, you’re not dealing with an infant but a six year old needs a lot of attention and time too, maybe even more than an infant, because now they have a mind of their own and have to be dealt with carefully. Then there’s the homework, out of school activities, and like a million other things. And you deal with this all by your pretty self…where is a husband when you need him??

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If you feel it, it’s real.

Motherhood is great. Ok so I agree. But is it great all the time? Not really. But most mommies won’t admit it, some warped guilt thing, yup I have it too, that blessed guilt.

But, guilt or not, mommyrage is a reality and every mother I have spoken to has felt it at some time or the other, weather she recognized (or admitted it) it or not. Think about it, your body and your mind too has gone through a lot, you’re probably worried about work, your home is a mess that never seems to clear up, your head seems cloudy and it certainly does not help that you are four sizes too big for your clothes. You never have time for yourself and are constantly planning your life around your baby’s sleep and the day he/she wakes up earlier than usual, it’s going to be baked beans and rice for lunch! And don’t even talk about laundry..that’ll have to wait till you have abs nothing to wear!

So what do you do? Well, you do something about your anger first (easier said, I know) but it’s going to harm you and no one else will care.

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