Tag Archives: Mommy Rage

Drop the baby mama!!

My four year old has been an angel since my twins were born almost ten months ago. She’s been caring and, mostly, patient. That, however, has changed. Was too good to last I think.

It’s happened because of multiple reasons. One, the novelty has kind of faded and she has realized that they are here to stay! Two, and more importantly, the twins are now asserting their will, demanding my attention, crawling into everything, including her toys. She sits down to do a puzzle and they want to grab at it. I can understand her irritation but with the two of them around it is difficult to stop them all the time.

From the beginning I have given 90% of my attention to my older one, just so she does not feel left out. I often leave the twins crying and come to her, but now it’s getting very difficult. She’s become extremely moody (the fact that summer break is on and her mind is idle has compounded the problem!) and tells me not to pick them up. To make matters worse I had  gall-bladder surgery and was away to the hospital for a couple of days. In my absence she cried her heart out and was inconsolable, to the point that I decided to return home a night before I was scheduled to! Am recovering now but cannot do much right now.  But it seems that my leaving turned some switch inside her, she’s sooooooper clingy now, does not want to leave my sight and does not want the twins anywhere near me.

For now, till I have recovered fully, I have moved the poor babies out to the other room with my mom and the maids, and my older one is with me and my husband. But that is going to change soon.  I am handling it, and she does love them too, plays with them a lot, but when it comes to me, she wants me all for herself..sigh..I know it’s something I have to deal with, but ti’s going to take some energy and patience and with just three days having passed since my surgery, I am a little tired and can do without tantrums!



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It’s happened, but fingers crossed..

Ok, so the ‘O’ phase is over. Phew! Yes, you understood right, I am pregnant. But, at 37, and I know this is not out of norm in today’s world, but my gynie wants me “not to celebrate yet”..till 12 weeks are over and I’ve gone through the gazillion tests for anything and everything.

So, while I am not screaming from the rooftops, much as I’d like to, I’ve told few people – family basically. In India there is this hoo ha about letting three months pass and I have to say I don’t see any harm in that.

And yes, one more thing, I’ve developed asthma, apparently the lethal combination of pregnancy and air pollution (which Delhi is full of) can cause asthma and bronchial spams, and I’ve already experienced both. So am now on nebulizers, inhalers, the works. Also, I have a throat infection – fungal they say – could have happened because of one of the inhalers, so am also on antibiotics. Feel sacred thinking of all the medication and the baby… Sigh, it’s only been eleven weeks, the road ahead looks long..

But, having said that, I am happy, very happy. I know the coming months are going to be tough, since the breathing is only going to get more difficult, but I’ll deal with it. I am happy. Now I have something to focus on. It’s weird how human beings love to justify something and once they can, then they feel better. Now that I am pregnant I am not thinking about not working because I have this to think about – it’s what I was waiting for so that I could push that work date far into the nebulous future and try and forget that it bothers me that I will have been out of the workforce for centuries by the time the second one is born..

Anyway, this is the update from me.


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The ‘O’ factor.

Ovulation. It rules my life these days. It should not I guess, but that’s easier said.

The days come and go, sometimes we give it a shot, sometimes we don’t, and time goes by, a month, a year. Like someone said, what is one year but 12 missed chances? Sigh.

But it’s not that simple, for me that is. I tend to complicate things, not because I want to, or am proud of it, but because, well, because if I have one primary thing in mind, then it sort of consumes me and I can think of nothing else. So, thinking about the second one, I’ve put a lot on hold – the big and the small. It sounds silly, and maybe it is, but that’s the way it is right now. I’ve let every little aspect of my life get affected. Toning up and losing weight, for instance, I want to join this great place near my house which has a good trainer for not that much money, but, I am not doing it because I am waiting to get pregnant! It can be argued that I can work out at home, but, that requires greater will.. Not logical I know..

Then, getting back to work is the other thing that keeps bothering me. Again, I could get a job and quit if I get pregnant, but somehow I am not looking too hard for the right job (like that exists!) because I do want something that will not take over my life, since my two and a half year old is still very demanding and I need to be there for her during the day too…

So how would having a second be better, asks my cousin. It will be difficult I know, but if I can help it, I don’t want my daughter to be the only child, I want her to have a sibling, so this is more for her. And I don’t have time – blessed, for lack of a better word, biological clock and all the rest of it. SO far, Gynie says all is well, keep trying.

For now I am focusing on the bright side of not being pregnant: i.e. wine. It’s the one thing I’ll miss, if..


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Adultery, what would you do?

We all know the answer to that question. We’d walk out. I would.

But, it’s amazing how many women actually stay in a relationship even when they know their husband’s interests lie elsewhere. I wonder why? Why do intelligent, thinking, financially independent women take it? For the kids, mainly, they say. And it’s easy for me to say this because I am not one of these women, but for the sake of the kids would one suffer such humiliation? And, even from a child’s view, is it better to have him/her feel the marital tensions between the parents, or is it better to take them out of the situation totally?

I broach this topic, because recently a friend went through this trauma, of confronting her husband and finding out unpalatable details about his relationship with another woman. He confessed, but, and here’s what beats me, he asks her to wait till he decided where his heart lay, and of course, in this happy waiting period he continued to see the current love of his life, while his wife and child were plunged into a state of limbo!

Man! I was so mad when she told me this and I did ask her to walk out, which she didn’t do, because while she cried her heart out and his friends and family – who were staunchly on her side – talked to him about the merits of staying in a marriage, he finally decided to end the other relationship.

Not a happy ending by miles, but she seemed to have reconciled to it. It made me wonder; if my husband only stayed with me after his family intervened  and threatened to cut all ties, would that make me happy? No, it would not, it would actually be worse and I’d feel humiliated. If he fell out of love with me, then I’d rather we part ways than have him cajoled back into my arms.

It beats me, it beats me totally why women let this happen to them. I know it’s easier said, but if my husband ever saw another woman, then I’d walk out, and I’d not be mad, I mean I’d be emotionally quite shattered, but I would not be mad, if he told me that is. It  happens, this is life, if he fell in love/lust with someone else, he can walk, free.

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I’ve lost my sleep.

I was one of those people who could sleep anywhere, have even slept on an x-ray machine once. But the past ten days have been terrible, and I just can’t sleep.

And there’s a reason. My daughter, on the day she turned two and a half, got burnt with hot tea. It happened in a flash, and it was horrible. Horrible, horrible.  I didn’t know how badly tea can burn, but now I do.

But, the good thing is that now she’s healed well, after many visits to the pediatrician and other doctors. She got it mostly on her chest, but could have been her face, eyes…anything.

The first few days I kept wondering why this happened, and the image replayed itself in my mind endlessley, like a bad film on repeat, and the more I’d try and get it out of my mind, the more it would persist.  Then, I looked at my daughter and realized that she was far braver than me, for she, even with her would, all wrapped up in bandage, was running around the house as before.

It was then that I told myself to snap out of it, and it was then that I stopped asking why this happened, and thanked God for what did not, because it could have been much much worse.

She’s a trooper I told her and she smiled. When I took her for her bandage changes, she cried, obviously, but not much, and kept telling me, all the while, what a good girl she was. “Mama, I am a good girl”, she’d say through her tears, trying hard to put up a brave front while the doc cut her bandage and cleaned her wound. I wanted to hold her and cry but I had to be brave for her, for she was looking to me for support. I clenched my teeth and didn’t let a tear fall out of my eye, not in front of her at least. She kept repeating how good she was some fifty times while the dressing was being done. It was heart wrenching to watch her do this, she was doing it for she was scared, and hoped that if she was good, she’d not get hurt. This from a two year old.

One underestimates one’s children. I didn’t know my daughter, my little delicate doll, who would cry if she spotted a life size Winnie the Poo at a birthday party, had such fortitude in her. She went with me to the doctors without as much as a peep out of her, and when there she complied better than any adult I know. She’d turn, sit, stand, lie, as the doc said. When I gave her medication she’d open her mouth and gulp it down without any resistance. She was unreal, and I salute her for it. I would have not been this good had it happened to me.

The worst is now over and she’s on the mend.

Now I need to find my sleep.


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Two, No Wait, Few Birds With One Stone.

I decided to solve the clingy problem with all the will I had left in me.

Last month I had told myself that after my vacation, I would seriously tackle the what-am-I-doing-with-my-life issue.  But that cannot be done with a toddler holding your leg and wailing . You need peace to think, and I haven’t had any in the past two weeks, because my daughter decided she needed her mommy 24-7 and no one else. Flattering as that was, I began to lose it after a while; something needed to be done, fast.

So, this is what I tried. I got up in the morning and asked a friend if she wanted to watch a film, which she did, and I trotted off and told my horrified looking maid, who had been witnessing the scenes around the bathing and eating, to do what needed to be done – the bath, food etc – and put her to bed in the afternoon. I planned to return only after she had taken her nap.

And guess what? She didn’t shed one tear or throw one tantrum. I was told happy stories about how she laughed and played in the water and also during lunch. All that drama was, of course, only for mommy dearest. So overjoyed was I with this outcome that the next day I decided to take off in the morning again, and went shoe shopping, something I had been wanting to do for a while. And sure enough this time too she was happy as a calm and was sound asleep in her cot when I returned home, to peace and quiet.

So I am not sure I’ve successfully solved the problem – mommy hood has taught me not to celebrate achievements too early, and sometimes not all all, they have a way of resurfacing just when you think you’ve crossed that bridge – but I am feeling chuffed. After all not only did I manage to wean her off me for a while, I also got to watch a movie, catch up with a friend and buy some shoes in the bargain- not bad, not bad at all!!!

So now I am wondering if my good luck will last and somehow, miraculously, she’ll love school when she goes, for the first time, on Monday.

Too much to ask? I thought so. But, it’s worth a shot, in case someone up there is listening.

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She’s going through a clingy phase and I am losing it!

I am not going to deny it, I like my daughter to doing the “mommy” thing – you know wanting mommy to do this and that and no one else. Except, I like it to an extent, after which I start to lose it a little. I mean if going for a bath becomes an issue, then it’s not fun. These days I find myself constantly explaining to her why she needs to let the maid, who she does like, give her a bath, feed her etc, so that mommy can get things done.

But rationalizing with a two year old is, well, it’s not exactly a walk in the woods. I get a lot of No! accompanied, of course, with hysterionics like rolling on the floor, making throwing up sounds and faces, the usual. She didn’t do much of it earlier, so I thought I’d escaped it somehow. Right, wishful thinking.

Anyway, so ever since we returned from our wonderful vacation in Singapore, she’s been on this mommy -will-do-it-phase. So yesterday I decided to be brave and do something about it. I told the maid to give her a bath and I let her scream her way through. I stayed in the kitchen where I could hear her well, but I didn’t go in for the rescue, something she was trying hard to get me to do – the vomit sounds et all. But I stood my ground. I felt mean but I ignored that voice. I am not sure if it helped, but I was determined.

Did it help? Not sure. I am hoping it did, if in a tiny way.

One does what one can but it does not always work. To think that just because I let her cry one day she would now miraculously change her behaviour is, needless to say, expecting too much. But, still, at some level I think she understood that mommy meant business.

I’ll probably have to continue doing stuff like this, because in two weeks she starts school. I am not even thinking about how that will go. Boy oh boy, that’s going to be fun.

Time Machine anyone??


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