Ovulation. It rules my life these days. It should not I guess, but that’s easier said.
The days come and go, sometimes we give it a shot, sometimes we don’t, and time goes by, a month, a year. Like someone said, what is one year but 12 missed chances? Sigh.
But it’s not that simple, for me that is. I tend to complicate things, not because I want to, or am proud of it, but because, well, because if I have one primary thing in mind, then it sort of consumes me and I can think of nothing else. So, thinking about the second one, I’ve put a lot on hold – the big and the small. It sounds silly, and maybe it is, but that’s the way it is right now. I’ve let every little aspect of my life get affected. Toning up and losing weight, for instance, I want to join this great place near my house which has a good trainer for not that much money, but, I am not doing it because I am waiting to get pregnant! It can be argued that I can work out at home, but, that requires greater will.. Not logical I know..
Then, getting back to work is the other thing that keeps bothering me. Again, I could get a job and quit if I get pregnant, but somehow I am not looking too hard for the right job (like that exists!) because I do want something that will not take over my life, since my two and a half year old is still very demanding and I need to be there for her during the day too…
So how would having a second be better, asks my cousin. It will be difficult I know, but if I can help it, I don’t want my daughter to be the only child, I want her to have a sibling, so this is more for her. And I don’t have time – blessed, for lack of a better word, biological clock and all the rest of it. SO far, Gynie says all is well, keep trying.
For now I am focusing on the bright side of not being pregnant: i.e. wine. It’s the one thing I’ll miss, if..
mommyrage.com 
I’ve been down that road, and a long, hard, lonely one it was. I wish you luck. I want to say don’t let it rule your life, but I know from experience that it does.
Hey! I haven’t been around this way in a while and I see that you have been keeping your mind very busy…
It seems to me that you are torn between giving all of yourself and keeping some of yourself. I have been through the same thing. I had my second by accident and I always tell people that if you put too much thought into it then adding to your family might not ever happen–because we think and complicate things too much. If you feel that it is what is best for you, your family and especially your daughter–then go for it. You can only have children for a short time then you have your whole lifetime to enjoy them.
Put Motherhood first if that is what you really want and your career will come quicker than you think.
How is your daughter doing in preschool now?–You know what? If your daughter is in school then it is perfect timing to have another. Then you won’t be like me–two in diapers at the same time! AH! Finally my 2 year old (almost 3) is potty trained and now I’m working on my 20 mo old.
Well, I hope you can come to a decision. Whatever it is you must be 100% happy with it. No regrets.
I made the choice right after college to be a SAHM full-time and I feel like I made the best choice for me. I know that in a few more years both of my girls will be in school and then (like my husband says) I can focus on my career and what I want to do with my life to make me happy. Just right now–being with my girls and taking care of my family makes me happy.
Take care!
Kalisha
I have been there – waiting for months and closely observing every single sign that would mean “I am pregnant” and then getting dissapointed .. and I finally I conceived the month when I had given up hope – alas, the little thing didnt survive beyond 9 weeks and here I am again, counting the dates!!!