She’s going through a clingy phase and I am losing it!

I am not going to deny it, I like my daughter to doing the “mommy” thing – you know wanting mommy to do this and that and no one else. Except, I like it to an extent, after which I start to lose it a little. I mean if going for a bath becomes an issue, then it’s not fun. These days I find myself constantly explaining to her why she needs to let the maid, who she does like, give her a bath, feed her etc, so that mommy can get things done.

But rationalizing with a two year old is, well, it’s not exactly a walk in the woods. I get a lot of No! accompanied, of course, with hysterionics like rolling on the floor, making throwing up sounds and faces, the usual. She didn’t do much of it earlier, so I thought I’d escaped it somehow. Right, wishful thinking.

Anyway, so ever since we returned from our wonderful vacation in Singapore, she’s been on this mommy -will-do-it-phase. So yesterday I decided to be brave and do something about it. I told the maid to give her a bath and I let her scream her way through. I stayed in the kitchen where I could hear her well, but I didn’t go in for the rescue, something she was trying hard to get me to do – the vomit sounds et all. But I stood my ground. I felt mean but I ignored that voice. I am not sure if it helped, but I was determined.

Did it help? Not sure. I am hoping it did, if in a tiny way.

One does what one can but it does not always work. To think that just because I let her cry one day she would now miraculously change her behaviour is, needless to say, expecting too much. But, still, at some level I think she understood that mommy meant business.

I’ll probably have to continue doing stuff like this, because in two weeks she starts school. I am not even thinking about how that will go. Boy oh boy, that’s going to be fun.

Time Machine anyone??



Filed under mommyrage

11 responses to “She’s going through a clingy phase and I am losing it!

  1. Yes, this is a “love-hate” phase, IMO. And the same thing will probably happen at daycare. When my son started going, it took him TWO WEEKS to stop crying when I left (and when I picked him up); however, the teachers informed me that he would stop within a couple of minutes of my absence. It’s a show they put on for you, and believe me, if I didn’t need to be at school, it probably would’ve worked!

    • Nicola

      I am a nursery nurse in a day nursery and i can assure u that children do settle within a couple of minutes of their parents leaving.

  2. Pingback: Two Birds With One Stone. «

  3. mommylounge

    I understand that it is frustrating for you and tiring when your little girl clings and only wants you, but just think that she is only two. She’s only been in your life two short years. Just because she is starting preschool doesn’t mean she has to automatically give up the need to want her mommy. This is how I think of it. The first 5 years of a child’s life are the most important. This is their time–not our time. As a mom we should make any sacrifice to nurture and give them the security they need to grow into a healthy and happy child. If your two year old is clingy then there is a reason. She just needs her mommy. I know it can be overwhelming but think of it as she is only little once. Soon she won’t want anything to do with you or will be able to do many things on her own. Enjoy the simple things–like giving her a bath. Don’t think of it as an annoyance because that is what it sounds like to me. I don’t feel like it is a “clingy problem”–a child needs its mother and sometimes more than other times. It is good for you to give yourself a break or else Moms would go insane. But I don’t believe in just pawning her off on the maid because you don’t want to really deal with it. A child being clingy is not a show it is a sign that they need extra love and support. They can’t express their emotions and it is up to us to help them through that. I also read that your daughter got into a really expensive preschool! (applause) I just hope you don’t have any regrets.

    Crabbymommy: Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your effort. I do agree that there’s a reason for toddlers to behave the way they do, if she’s clingy, it’s probably for a reason. But, having said that, I feel the need to clarify a few things.

    1. If you’ve read some of my previous posts you’d know that I, despite having a maid, have been a very hands on mother. Without going into explanations, because I don’t feel the need to, I know how I’ve put everything on hold for my daughter. So now if I am making the maid bathe her, it’s because I am choosing to do other fun things with her, like puzzles, hand painting etc, that she loves. If I do everything, then, like you said, I’d go insane and not be able to do anything else, eg, freelance work. So, it may seem like I am “pawning her of to the maid”, but that impression could not be more wrong. If you’d read more of my blog, you would’ve known that.

    2. As far as preschool is concerned, yes, it is expensive, but that’s not the reason I put her there. It’s a very one good one too, and it’s not only a preschool, it’s a full-fledged school, so once I put her here, she can go all the way and I’ve solved the problem of admissions, which, in this city are a nightmare. I appreciate your concern, but I don’t think I’ll have any regrets. I went for the orientation and liked what I saw. More than me, she liked it, played with other kids, ran around..I think I am in a better position to judge what’s good for my daughter and reading a blog with a name like mine, it may seem that there’s this insane mommy on the loose that you need to teach a few things to, but little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, which, in this case, seems to be the matter.

    Don’t get me wrong, I welcome different points of view and do not expect people to agree with me. What I dislike, is people being judgmental and sarcasm. I really don’t think there was any need for that.

    It takes a sensitive person to differ with dignity, it’s unfortunate that you could not do that.

    Also, did you always take the right decisions for your children? Just wondering, since you seem to know it all.

  4. mommylounge

    As a Mother every decision I make is for the well-being of my daughters. I wanted to just say that I wasn’t trying to pass judgement on you to say you were a bad Mother or anything. Just trying to give you my insight as to what her clingyness was stemming from. Also, just to start some dialoge.

    My last comment in my post was sarcastic and I do apologize for that. It was disrespectful for me to say it.

    So, to answer your last question; I always try to make the decisions that are right for my children. Since I have only been a Mother a short while ever step with them is a learning process. I do know that I want to cherish the early years with them and to make the sacrifice to ensure that they grow up well nurtured, happy and healthy. Which I’m sure every Mom wants for her child.

    I only wanted to get that point across. We all want the best for our children and we find different things important. I do apologize if my last post came across harsh. I was only trying to give the suggestion that maybe your daughter’s clinginess came from needing more attention from you to help her through this phase. And that I don’t really believe that preschool is necessary for a two year old, but after your explanation I understand the reason.

    Ok, so with that. I really do hope things go smoother for you through her “clingy phase”.

    Crabbymommy: Thanks for your response. I appreciate your clarifying your points of view. And this time I have to say that I am sorry for typing a quick retort!

    I do agree with you about the preschool. I think everyone around me has lost it and did say it in some of my posts that I don’t believe in sending a kid too early does not make sense for a little toddler. The thing that made me want to send her now (and she’s almost two and a half) is that, apart from the whole admissions bit, she seemed to be missing company. She would wake up in the mornings and after her nap in the afternoons and ask me to take her to some friend’s house or the other and I’d find myself saying “but she’s at school, or she’s gone out”. She misses being with her peers and when I can take, her she loves it. So I thought that she’s ready to be with her own kind.

    I would’ve liked to send her to a school that was only three days, so it was a good mid-point. But, unfortunately, there aren’t any of those, and I looked all over. In India, again unfortunately, we push our kids very early into the system. A two year old, for instance, would, in many cases, know all colors, shapes, and can even be able to count to ten. It’s a vicious cycle I know, but when competition to the few good schools is so tough (tougher than you can imagine – one example: a three year old niece of mine was shown a picture of an elephant wearing a swimming trunk and asked how many trunks there were in the picture) then you want to make sure your child gets in and you do what you can.

    In this post, I did wonder, if I was doing the right thing. I asked myself many questions, but, in the end, I decided that it was in her best interest. As you said, you always want to do the best for your child and you may or may not be right.

    Also, the clingyness is better now. But your mail did make me think about the reason, which, I could not put a finger on. She wanted my attention and I was letting that get to me.

    Thanks again for writing in. Please feel free to disagree in the future! Hope we’ve made peace!

  5. mommylounge

    Peace has been restored…

  6. Dr. Gary

    I nearly fell out of my chair upon reading the lovely exchanges, above and especially the heartfelt, contrite apology: “My last comment in my post was sarcastic and I do apologize for that. It was disrespectful for me to say it.”

    Finally, some civility in the blogosphere!

    The blog’s content is enjoyable, too. I have two toddlers.

  7. neats

    Wow I was very impressed with the positive banter in this blog!very polite and respectful not to mention informative!but I do wish I had a maid to help me out!moms do need a lil time out too for sanity sake but some of us can’t really afford that!I love my child but help would be nice!

  8. Youngmommy

    Its funny you should mention this. I am going through this similar phase but with me the clingy ness is coming after I reduced my hours at work and have begun to pick my daughter from school instead of my mom (her nan). As much as I love my daughter, the lack of independence my working schedule has caused seems to be driving me quite insane. She has been going to a private nursery since 9 months old and every time I drop her off she throws this incredible tantrum (even though within minutes of me leaving she settles and plays with the other kids). She is quite forward as she can count to 13, knows shapes and colours and her alphabet since 10 months old however that was taught from at home not nursery. However, I’m not sure what to do to break her from this habit, any tips?

  9. charlotte

    I am going through the simular things to you other mums, i have a son who is 2 years 3 months and is very forward and intellegent he has been going to a private day nursery since 1 years but since i have decreased my working hours his behaviour and clingy-ness seems to have got worse. he is very over powering and strong minded and by the time i have explained to him that i cant play with him all day long ‘mummy has jobs to do’ and as promised i go back to him when i finished my jobs and we play again. He throws the tantrums and hits his head and hits myself. He has a good relationship with his dad and other family members but doesnt let me go when they want to play with him. He has to sit on the bathroom floor whilst i shower/bath and partly it could be my fault as ive told his dad ‘doesnt matter instead of him throwing a tantrum just let him do’ i know im not helping the situation but im going out of my mind. we attend parent and toddlers group on the days i dont work he spends time with dad alone but as soon as he has sight of me again everyone elsegoes ou of thewindow.

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