I decided to take a little break, so came to Singapore – have loads of friends and relatives here. So here I am with my daughter and mother, husband could not take leave. And I am sooooo glad I did this. I needed to get away I think and just chill for a while, which is exactly what I am doing!
The best thing I did was to bring my mom with me, because now I am totally hands free with my daughter – we are all happy this way.
So tonight I plan to go out partying with some old friends and I have to say, I’ve not done that since my single days. It feels a little weird to be going without my husband and there’s this silly voice in my head that says I should be feeling a little guilty leaving home, hubby and baby and living it up. I am, of course, ignoring that voice (snuffing it out is more like it) but it is quite persist ant!
Guilt and women – there’s an illogical connection there. There is no reason for me to be feeling this at all, yet I do – and the guilt is on many fronts – leaving my mom at home with my daughter while I party, since this is a vacation for her too, should she be subjected to being at home looking after a toddler? Then, would my daughter be ok in a foreign land without me in the evening? What about my husband? Will it be weird bobbing around town without him?
I know that most of this is in my head, but I wish it was not! And maybe it’ll be ok when I do go, one beer down and I’ll drown all that guilt into oblivian – till the next morning that is!
But, what is true is that I will miss my husband, because it’s been a while since he and I just went drinking with friends. I mean we go out a fair amount in India, but somehow it’s not the same as before, like the good old days when he and I lived in various parts of the world. India has tamed, and aged, us both. I don’t know why, but it has.
I wish he could be here so we could re-live some of the old times..