Tag Archives: family

The Meltdown.

Terrible twos did someone say? What about terrible threes?? My three year old discovered her screaming abilities when she was two, or perhaps even before, and has been fine tuning that skill ever since. She does not talk anymore, she screams. Most of the time she’s playing teacher and berating us all at home, in the manner, I suspect, her teacher does at school – it’s like she becomes another person when she is role playing.

How do you tell a three year old to stop screaming? It only leads to more hollering and screeching, followed, of course, with the whole lying-on-the-floor-won’t-get-up act. When she does finally, and most reluctantly, lift herself off the ground, her ego is bruised, for she has not been cajoled into silence by mommy, rather she has, most grudgingly, been forced to give up the act on account of being neglected, and because of mommy’s cool do-what-you-want-you-can’t-bait-me-this-way reaction. Once the ego is hurt, that’s it. Tantrums follow – storming out of rooms, sulking, et all.

It settles, eventually, somehow. Then she sleeps, which was part of the problem. It’s a vicious cycle – she gets sleepy, refuses to be put to bed, in fact opposes any subtle signs that could hint of mommy’s secret intent of sending her into dreamland. The sleepier she gets, the more hyper she gets, the more hyper she gets the sleepier she gets and fights it all the more – so it’s a matter of time, of holding out, till the fatigue takes over and she can fight it (and mommy) no more. I then sink into bed with a sigh, worn out by this tussle.

Minutes later I rustle up the energy to get up and change – put on the idiot box for some mindless TV, (father and daughter safely, and mercifully, asleep) but it’s too mindless at times for my liking. I then reach for my book – reading Satyajit Ray’s Feluda stories right now (for those who have not read them, I recommend them highly).

I sink into the book, forget all about the recent histrionics and read till late. I know I should sleep, for tomorrow will be another day – waking up the rascal for school and all that follows, the screaming (again), the I-don’t-wan’t-to-go, the I-got-ouchie, the I-don’t-wan’t-to-bathe, the don’t-comb-my-hair…I know I’ll need the energy for it all. But I enjoy the silence of the night and my book too much to worry about tomorrow..

Sigh.

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Second Trimester – much better!

Am four and a half months now. My gynie kept telling me that the second trimester will be better, and it is. Though I am still on “limited activity”, I feel much better. So am trying to enjoy it – reading a lot, have got a bunch of films to watch..

Then am trying to prepare my three year old. She watches the Dora CD a lot where Dora is all excited about her mom having a baby and she becoming a big sister – (turns out her mom has twins so it fits perfectly!). I think, in theory, I am making progress. My daughter told me the other day, “mama, we’ll have to get two cots and also two rattles. I’ll give them rattles when they cry!”

Reality, I know will be very different. I know my daughter will be jealous, it’s only normal, and we’ll have to deal with that – it’s a fine balance..

This is the calm before the storm, I cannot imagine how it will be once they are out – twins! I don’t think I am over that yet.

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Twins, Asthma, Sugery and more!!

Have so much so say. I’ve been away from my blog for so long now, much has happened in the past three months. Here’s an update.

Yes, I am carrying twins! No, it has not sunk in. I am thrilled, of course, but freaked out, understandably! When the doc said, looking at the fuzzy amoeba looking things floating on the screen, “they look wonderful”, I looked deliberately obtuse, didn’t think he meant what he did, till he said “there are two”! TWO!!!!!!!!Drove back in a daze, then called the husband!

Now to prepare my daughter – my sister in law gave me this Dora CD in which Dora plays the big sister and her mother has twins. I am starting to prepare my daughter, but my oh my…

Lot more has happened. I’ve developed asthma, have already had a minor surgery to strengthen my cervix and been on rest for a while. Better now, but third trimester is going to be fun – lie in bed and forget about everything. Right. Someone tell my three year old that!!

And oh, husband is very happy, but worried about my health. Not to mention stressed about the slowdown – world into recession and here I am with a bumper crop – timing.

But one cannot plan in life. Three months ago I was dismal because I was not getting pregnant and look where I am today! No, took no fertility pills! Husband actually asked me that!! Turns out that women over 35 have a higher chnace of conceving twins. Also, in my case it’s in my genes, father’s sisters are twins..

So, here I am getting bigger by the minute and getting on my mom’s case to drop her life and come run mine!!

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It’s happened, but fingers crossed..

Ok, so the ‘O’ phase is over. Phew! Yes, you understood right, I am pregnant. But, at 37, and I know this is not out of norm in today’s world, but my gynie wants me “not to celebrate yet”..till 12 weeks are over and I’ve gone through the gazillion tests for anything and everything.

So, while I am not screaming from the rooftops, much as I’d like to, I’ve told few people – family basically. In India there is this hoo ha about letting three months pass and I have to say I don’t see any harm in that.

And yes, one more thing, I’ve developed asthma, apparently the lethal combination of pregnancy and air pollution (which Delhi is full of) can cause asthma and bronchial spams, and I’ve already experienced both. So am now on nebulizers, inhalers, the works. Also, I have a throat infection – fungal they say – could have happened because of one of the inhalers, so am also on antibiotics. Feel sacred thinking of all the medication and the baby… Sigh, it’s only been eleven weeks, the road ahead looks long..

But, having said that, I am happy, very happy. I know the coming months are going to be tough, since the breathing is only going to get more difficult, but I’ll deal with it. I am happy. Now I have something to focus on. It’s weird how human beings love to justify something and once they can, then they feel better. Now that I am pregnant I am not thinking about not working because I have this to think about – it’s what I was waiting for so that I could push that work date far into the nebulous future and try and forget that it bothers me that I will have been out of the workforce for centuries by the time the second one is born..

Anyway, this is the update from me.

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The ‘O’ factor.

Ovulation. It rules my life these days. It should not I guess, but that’s easier said.

The days come and go, sometimes we give it a shot, sometimes we don’t, and time goes by, a month, a year. Like someone said, what is one year but 12 missed chances? Sigh.

But it’s not that simple, for me that is. I tend to complicate things, not because I want to, or am proud of it, but because, well, because if I have one primary thing in mind, then it sort of consumes me and I can think of nothing else. So, thinking about the second one, I’ve put a lot on hold – the big and the small. It sounds silly, and maybe it is, but that’s the way it is right now. I’ve let every little aspect of my life get affected. Toning up and losing weight, for instance, I want to join this great place near my house which has a good trainer for not that much money, but, I am not doing it because I am waiting to get pregnant! It can be argued that I can work out at home, but, that requires greater will.. Not logical I know..

Then, getting back to work is the other thing that keeps bothering me. Again, I could get a job and quit if I get pregnant, but somehow I am not looking too hard for the right job (like that exists!) because I do want something that will not take over my life, since my two and a half year old is still very demanding and I need to be there for her during the day too…

So how would having a second be better, asks my cousin. It will be difficult I know, but if I can help it, I don’t want my daughter to be the only child, I want her to have a sibling, so this is more for her. And I don’t have time – blessed, for lack of a better word, biological clock and all the rest of it. SO far, Gynie says all is well, keep trying.

For now I am focusing on the bright side of not being pregnant: i.e. wine. It’s the one thing I’ll miss, if..

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Adultery, what would you do?

We all know the answer to that question. We’d walk out. I would.

But, it’s amazing how many women actually stay in a relationship even when they know their husband’s interests lie elsewhere. I wonder why? Why do intelligent, thinking, financially independent women take it? For the kids, mainly, they say. And it’s easy for me to say this because I am not one of these women, but for the sake of the kids would one suffer such humiliation? And, even from a child’s view, is it better to have him/her feel the marital tensions between the parents, or is it better to take them out of the situation totally?

I broach this topic, because recently a friend went through this trauma, of confronting her husband and finding out unpalatable details about his relationship with another woman. He confessed, but, and here’s what beats me, he asks her to wait till he decided where his heart lay, and of course, in this happy waiting period he continued to see the current love of his life, while his wife and child were plunged into a state of limbo!

Man! I was so mad when she told me this and I did ask her to walk out, which she didn’t do, because while she cried her heart out and his friends and family – who were staunchly on her side – talked to him about the merits of staying in a marriage, he finally decided to end the other relationship.

Not a happy ending by miles, but she seemed to have reconciled to it. It made me wonder; if my husband only stayed with me after his family intervened  and threatened to cut all ties, would that make me happy? No, it would not, it would actually be worse and I’d feel humiliated. If he fell out of love with me, then I’d rather we part ways than have him cajoled back into my arms.

It beats me, it beats me totally why women let this happen to them. I know it’s easier said, but if my husband ever saw another woman, then I’d walk out, and I’d not be mad, I mean I’d be emotionally quite shattered, but I would not be mad, if he told me that is. It  happens, this is life, if he fell in love/lust with someone else, he can walk, free.

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Delhi, Diwali and Firecrackers

I love this time of the year, October, when the merciless Indian summer is finally behind me and glorious, festive days await. I love Delhi in the winter, when you can take the kids to the gardens and have lazy afternoons reading in the sun..

This is what we – three mothers of our car pool – were talking about on the way back from school when the conversation turned to Diwali and crackers. Now, I am of the strong opinion that crackers should be banned, yes, you heard me, banned. Why? well, first, because the industry employs children , something I have issues with, and second, because Delhi on Diwali night is suffocating because of the smoke and I do not think our children need to breathe in any more pollution than they already do – levels far beyond most civilized nations.

In the conversation I kind of made my views clear on the matter and even said that I had a solution, not that anyone was asking me, or, would even follow it, but nevertheless I had, what I thought, was the perfect midway: That you mark a place, an open ground or a stadium or something, where those who want to burst them can come and buy them at the gate, and then burst them inside, but no one can do so at home.

Well, my remark was not liked by one of the mothers, and she proceeded to say that Diwali would not be the same without crackers, a point I understood, since most of us have grown up bursting them at home and we have happy associations with the act. But, my point  was, that knowing well that they are made by little children, how can one justify using them? Also, an alarming number of children in Delhi have breathing related ailments largely due to the pollution levels in the air, so, knowing this, how can the mother of a two year old be adamant about bursting crackers.

I stood my ground and she stood hers, shaky as it was.  And I, unfortunately, have been blessed with a caustic toungue I have little control over, though in this case I did try as we were part of a car pool, but she irritated me no end by making sillier remarks as the car bumped along the traffic congested roads, like declaring that certain crackers – like anars – are not polluting, so they can be used. How people can justify stuff they like never ceases to amaze me. I bit my tongue but not before I had let out a sardonic laugh, which she noticed but didn’t react to. I didn’t  add anything more, because what do you say to someone educated like that who has a closed mind, it requires patience and energy. I had the latter, but not the former, so I let it pass.

What I did say that the school should teach the children to say no to crackers, something she was horrified to hear and imagine.  In her mind it was inconceivable that something like this could ever happen, that her little daughter could be brainwashed into believing the right thing!

Agh, I have a good mind to drop this car pool just for that!

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