Dealing with a toddler and her father

Two year olds can test your patience, but, so can their fathers. I know I’ve discussed this before but here I am again, because the issues remain the same and blogging about it makes me feel a whole lot better! I think blogging may be the single factor that keeps some women sane, really, the venting makes me feel better instantly!

But back to my point, the other day I was trying to tell my daughter not to do something that she was insistent on doing, and this time I was trying to be patient but stern (using all the distracting etc techniques to the best of my ability). She wanted a pen that she was coloring the bed-sheet with. I told her I’d give her a paper, but the sheet was not to be stained. She let out a scream and told me she’d only want to color the sheet.

At this point, my husband steps in and tells me to let her do what she wanted! His point was that the more you stop her the more she’d want to do it. Now, usually I buy that theory and also apply that to her when I can, if you stop a toddler from doing everything then at some point they’ll become stubborn, so maybe that was what he was getting at. But, the thing is that it should be left to the primary caregiver (in our case, clearly me) to make that judgment.

What he did was to counter me in front of her, so now she knows that when mamma says no she can run to daddy and he’ll lovingly oblige.

Result:
Mother: ogre, father: Santa.

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He tells me not to force the child, let her be. Easier said..

If I had to spend two hours a day with my child, I’d have the patience of a saint. But, I don’t, so I am a bit low on the be-patient stuff.

What gets my goat, however, is my husband coming in at night and telling me not to force our daughter into doing anything. So, if she’s sick, as she is right now with a chest flu, and the doctor has told me (he never has the time to go to the doc with her – but that’s for another day) that she absolutely must drink water and urinate as usual otherwise it’ll be the drip for her, then I need to force her, because she was not urinating at all.

So she cries when I force her, all toddlers cry when they are made to do what they don’t want, especially a toddler who has the flu. What does my husband tell me? He tells me that I don’t let her be, that I get after her life, and should not force her! Now what do I say to that? There’s a lot I could say but the baby is ill and with a third day in a row when I’ve not been able to even go to the bathroom without her wailing for me, I am tired and don’t have the energy to deal with him.

Ok, so he’s had a long day at work, I understand but I haven’t exactly been living it up either. His point is, “when I am home, I want peace.”

My respose to that is, I want peace too, but what about the baby who’s not well? Should I just let her be and pray that she becomes ok?

See, he doesn’t face the pediatrician and his berating, I do. So, it’s easy for him to take the high road, then turn over and sleep.

All I need is some support. Apparently that too much to ask for.

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It’ll get better..in about 15 years, maybe.

Right now she’s two, so it’s hard for me, dealing with the terrible-twos et all. Agreed it’s a nice stage too, when compared to mothers of teens (the eye rolling, the sulking and the talking back, to name a few) and I am sure I’ll look back at these years with rose tinted glasses.

But, right now, here’s where I am, and there are times when I wish she was grown up. The thing is that she’ll need me for a long long time, so those who say it gets better may not be so accurate. It gets different and the demands on the mother change, but they don’t go away. In fact some mothers tell me that these are the better years, that as time goes by they need more and more from you and it’s not like you can out up your feet and read in peace.

That does happen, but at sixty, and it’s a long time to sixty, a long long time and I am tired. If only men would pitch in more, it’d be sooooo much better. Wishful thinking I know, but one lives in hope..

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It’s Late and I am tired

It always happens. I sleep late after a long day and she wakes up just as I am drifting into sweet sleep. When I have a good day and am not tired, she sleeps like a baby (who ever invented that line?).

So I get impatient and by the end if it I also get a headache.  Then I feel guilty for being impatient and get an even bigger headache. Guilt is the worst thing, it really is.

Motherhood is not easy and it’s the toughest at night, but your snoring husband will never understand that.

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I just want one peaceful day, just one..

I am not asking for much, just one day when I can put my feet up and not have to tell my toddler it’s wrong to do this and it’s not good to do that and all the rest of it and not hear her scream in my ear.

She’s going through the screaming phase and they say it’ll pass. My question is when? No one can tell me that I know, so I am not really asking that question…I am just taking one day at a time and hoping she gets over it soon.

It’s not that she’s doing it all the time but it’s just that when she does, all I can think about is shutting her up somehow and that’s the one thing she will not do.

So for now, it’s Tylenol.

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Baby’s mistakes are really the mommie’s..or so people believe

You see a badly behaved child and you blame the parents – mostly the mom if she’s the one staying at home with the child. And though you may have a point there, it’s not really always the case.

It could be that the child’s just be having a bad day, he or she may not always behave that way. But no one looks at it like that, people usually go away with an “impression” and you’d hear things like “I saw her baby and God, she’s badly brought up, she was throwing a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket..blah blah..” The mommy, for all her hard work, unfortunately, is judged by one incident and the rest is forgotten. That’s the sad truth.

I could be spending hundreds of hours with my child, telling her all about good manners but the one day we go out and bump into someone we know, would be the one day my daughter decides to be defiant – she’s going through the “no” phase most two-year olds seem to love.

You can read all the books and sites you want about dealing with defiance, but they are of little use when you have a bawling two-year old stubbornly refusing “other pleasing alternatives”. You just have to ride it out and hope you don’t meet any more people you know.

Mommyhood is a tough job, it’s something like being an investment banker..you can make all the right decisions but you’ll be remembered by the wrong one you make.

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Terrible twos – can’t be too prepared for them..

We’ve all, in our carefree youth, looked at bawling-give-t-to-me-or-I’ll-scream children and wondered why parents couldn’t control them. The kid screams, the mommy shusshes, the kid screams some more and the mommy loses patience and eventually, after a minor spectacle, the family leaves and people go back to eating in peace. We’ve all seen that.

Then one day we turn into that very mother who looks apologetically at everyone in the restaurant and prays that her child calms down. It’s difficult, at first, to find yoursef in that reversed place..

The truth is that when your terrible two year old wants to do something badly, there’s little you can do to prevent her or him. Yes you can do all the stuff baby sites write about – give alternatives, explain, cajole blah and blah and more blah..but there’s theory and then there’s reality! When my two year old wanted to tear down the aisle on a plane trip recently, there was damn all I could do to stop her..she was tired of being in one place and wanted to run up and down. Stopping her led to piercing screams..so it was either that or the running. I relented and chose the latter.

There’s no right or wrong, mostly, when you deal with your two year old..every situation is different, even if it looks same on paper. At first I wondered if I’d brought her up wrong, done something fundamentally different which is why she was behaving this way. You go through that, the guilt. But it passes and you realize that it’s a phase.

At least I hope it is.

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