Category Archives: mommyrage

January 10, 2008 · 6:23 am

Baby’s mistakes are really the mommie’s..or so people believe

You see a badly behaved child and you blame the parents – mostly the mom if she’s the one staying at home with the child. And though you may have a point there, it’s not really always the case.

It could be that the child’s just be having a bad day, he or she may not always behave that way. But no one looks at it like that, people usually go away with an “impression” and you’d hear things like “I saw her baby and God, she’s badly brought up, she was throwing a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket..blah blah..” The mommy, for all her hard work, unfortunately, is judged by one incident and the rest is forgotten. That’s the sad truth.

I could be spending hundreds of hours with my child, telling her all about good manners but the one day we go out and bump into someone we know, would be the one day my daughter decides to be defiant – she’s going through the “no” phase most two-year olds seem to love.

You can read all the books and sites you want about dealing with defiance, but they are of little use when you have a bawling two-year old stubbornly refusing “other pleasing alternatives”. You just have to ride it out and hope you don’t meet any more people you know.

Mommyhood is a tough job, it’s something like being an investment banker..you can make all the right decisions but you’ll be remembered by the wrong one you make.

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January 5, 2008 · 5:15 am

Terrible twos – can’t be too prepared for them..

We’ve all, in our carefree youth, looked at bawling-give-t-to-me-or-I’ll-scream children and wondered why parents couldn’t control them. The kid screams, the mommy shusshes, the kid screams some more and the mommy loses patience and eventually, after a minor spectacle, the family leaves and people go back to eating in peace. We’ve all seen that.

Then one day we turn into that very mother who looks apologetically at everyone in the restaurant and prays that her child calms down. It’s difficult, at first, to find yoursef in that reversed place..

The truth is that when your terrible two year old wants to do something badly, there’s little you can do to prevent her or him. Yes you can do all the stuff baby sites write about – give alternatives, explain, cajole blah and blah and more blah..but there’s theory and then there’s reality! When my two year old wanted to tear down the aisle on a plane trip recently, there was damn all I could do to stop her..she was tired of being in one place and wanted to run up and down. Stopping her led to piercing screams..so it was either that or the running. I relented and chose the latter.

There’s no right or wrong, mostly, when you deal with your two year old..every situation is different, even if it looks same on paper. At first I wondered if I’d brought her up wrong, done something fundamentally different which is why she was behaving this way. You go through that, the guilt. But it passes and you realize that it’s a phase.

At least I hope it is.

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January 4, 2008 · 5:45 am

Mommies need breaks but no one realizes that..

It’s a 24-7 job and it’s been said a million times before, but it’s one of those things that people say and get past..”oh, it’s a full time job..blah blah..” but no one actually cares about the mommy, no one makes the effort to make it easy for the mommy, no one, least of all the husband!

In cases where the mommy is working, it’s actually easier, because then bringing up the baby is automatically divided, but in cases like mine, where I have made the choice (and not always am i happy about that, but that’s for another day) to be at home, there becomes a “this is your job” syndrome..and I hate it. I may not go to work but I need my break. Also, everything automatically becomes the mother’s fault..”she’s screaming because you didn’t control her in time”..right, that’s nice to hear. It makes a feel a whole lot better about giving up my work and being with the baby. Thanks a lot.

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December 17, 2007 · 5:38 am

My head aches..

The thing with motherhood is that you need to be positive all the time. Your toddler will not understand your moods or even something as simple as a headache. I told my daughter the other day that I was not feeling so great, and she got scared..her mother, in her eyes, is immune to everything, so it’s not something she wants to hear. So when I feel low, I can’t show it to my daughter, or to anyone. I’ll just wait for her to grow up..maybe then she’ll understand.

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December 14, 2007 · 1:29 pm

I must be crazy..

Let me say this first, that this will sound a little insane, given all the venting I’ve been doing about mommy rage and the rest of it (but I’ll defend that later). That said, let me say it: – I am considering a second baby. Yup, that’s right. I want another one, not so much for myself, but for my daughter.

But wait, I am not totally crazy – may be a little – but not all gone yet. The thing is that I believe, and I could be waaay wrong, that having a second one is going to actually make it better, if I can do the whole nappy-change-sleep-deprived-will-lose-it thing again. It’ll be tough for two years and given that at the end of those two years I am still not in an asylum, I think, seriously, that it’ll be good.

My two year old will, say I have one nine months from now, be about five when the younger one will be two, so from then on, they’ll be company for each other.

I’ve actually studied this, not to mention been told this like a zillion times by my mother, that mothers with two kids find that they demand much less of their time that those with one, who needs to be entertained constantly. Of course there are days when all you do is sort out their little fights..but all in all, it’s better to have two.

That’s the theory and I am not sure if it’ll translate into anything, but if it does, I am hoping that I am thinking it right. If not, I’ll be blogging from an asylum in about two years. Yup, I think I’ll still blog.

For now, it’s back to potty training. Sigh.

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December 14, 2007 · 4:28 am

a gloomy winter day..

It’s winter – I know I keep saying it – but it is dark and gray and smoggy all the time, so what should I do, ignore it? ok that’s an idea..ha, wonder why it didn’t occur to me before? It’s simple, right? just ignore it. Right.

So, when you are alone and dealing with all the issues on the home front by yourself, are you entitled to a little angst?? The answer, if you ask anyone, is, yes, maybe, but don’t tell me about it…gee thanks, that helped.

See mommyrage is something most people laugh at, or at the most, at least in India, they tell you that that’s the way it’s been and it’s sooooo much better now, blah blah and more blah! Ok, so it is better for me than it was for my mother, and that’s good, but it still is tough sometimes, and all I need is for someone to understand that, just that. Really.

That and some chipping in…too much to ask? Apparently.

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December 13, 2007 · 1:28 pm

what if..

When I quit full time work, I was very sure I wanted to spend time with my daughter. I  still want to do that because for now I am happy doing what I do – pretty much being with my baby all day – but, the big but, is that I wonder if in a few years from now, when she’s grown and wants her “space”, I’ll have regrets..because I’ll have been out of the career thing too long to get back in. Will I have this vacuum that I’ll find hard to fill?

I always thought I’d never face this quandary, because there was so much else I’d wanted to do when I was working full time that I thought that when I have the time, I’ll do all this great stuff that may not set the world on fire, but it’d give me enough to do. Now, I’m not so sure, and worse, time seems to fly, and before I know it another day has gone, and my enthusiasm and ideas have receded further into the clutter that seems to make up most of my gray cells lately.

But, I tell myself that it’ll get better, that I’d become more organized as my daughter grows older, and before I am forty, something would have (miraculously) happened on the professional front.

The trouble with this story is, that this is the exact path that many women follow before they hit forty and then boom, they lose it. What if, what if I am doing the exact same thing, setting myself up for the big snap..what if..

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