what if..

When I quit full time work, I was very sure I wanted to spend time with my daughter. I  still want to do that because for now I am happy doing what I do – pretty much being with my baby all day – but, the big but, is that I wonder if in a few years from now, when she’s grown and wants her “space”, I’ll have regrets..because I’ll have been out of the career thing too long to get back in. Will I have this vacuum that I’ll find hard to fill?

I always thought I’d never face this quandary, because there was so much else I’d wanted to do when I was working full time that I thought that when I have the time, I’ll do all this great stuff that may not set the world on fire, but it’d give me enough to do. Now, I’m not so sure, and worse, time seems to fly, and before I know it another day has gone, and my enthusiasm and ideas have receded further into the clutter that seems to make up most of my gray cells lately.

But, I tell myself that it’ll get better, that I’d become more organized as my daughter grows older, and before I am forty, something would have (miraculously) happened on the professional front.

The trouble with this story is, that this is the exact path that many women follow before they hit forty and then boom, they lose it. What if, what if I am doing the exact same thing, setting myself up for the big snap..what if..