Tag Archives: parenting

March 1, 2008 · 1:23 pm

My greatest fear is getting bigger..

I’ve given up work for my daughter, now two. It’s something I wanted to do, but also, it’s not like I really had a choice either. I could hardly leave her to a maid for the whole day, since none of her grandparents, for some convoluted-yet-understandable reason or the other, could baby sit her. In India, let me add, it’s very common for the grannies, especially, to do so. But in my case, it was not to be.

So, I quit work and sunk deep into domestic life, and you know the thing about that, it’s like quicksand, once you’re in it, you only sink deeper – you’re at home, so you handle everything, there’s no escape. Before you know it, you’re up to your head with all sorts of home-running issues, you have no time for yourself, you don’t care about your appearance and life runs you by.

Then, one day, you meet an old classmate who heads some firm or the other (everyone heads divisions in companies these days, makes you wonder where all the followers are??) Anyway, you meet this all tip-top (Indian phrase for someone nattily turned out) person who tells you how hard she’s working, but how great the money is, and all the rest of it. That’s when you look at yourself and wonder where your life is heading, and that thought does not lead to anywhere good, you don’t like what you see in your future. It’s when your mother’s words ring loud in your ears and you try and brush them away – that in a few years your kid will be grown up and would not need you that much, but by then you’d have been out of the race (it’s all about being in the race, unfortunately) too long and people would politely tell you that, sometimes not so politely.

But what can I do? I am not sure. What I know is that I am going down a path I never thought I would, and my biggest fear is that a few years down the road, it’ll hit me and I’ll lose it..it’s my fear and, what’s worse, is that I know it well might happen, yet I keep walking down that road..

Men don’t understand it, they never will, because they never face it. It’s not fair.

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February 28, 2008 · 2:54 pm

My enervating stomach flu, and my two-year old was a sweetheart though it!

Been so sick the whole, what’s it’s been, don’t know, been more than a week now..intestinal infection or something like that. It was debilitating and I was smart enough not to drink enough water, so guess what, I almost landed myself in hospital! But, long story short, the doctor fired me (as did my family…) and I sulked in bed sipping oral re hydration salts in water for three days! But, at least the hospital was avoided, if only by a hair’s breath.

So this is when I thank God for being in India, because I just handed my daughter to my maid and didn’t know anything for all that time. But, in my waking moments I was worried about her, wondering if she was able to cope, was she cranky? Did she feel sad..

But it amazed me how resilient little kids can be. My mother always told me that but I had my doubts. Now, however, I don’t. My daughter was amazing through it all. She would run up to me in bed and say “mama, ouchie okay?”. I’d tell her I was better and then she’s run along saying “mama got ouchie in her tummy”. She ate, bathed, and even slept without me even so much as getting up (to the extent that, I must admit that happy as I was about this development, I was a tad bit disappointed that she was quite cool about it – I consoled myself by saying that it was because she could still see me and so was not insecure!)

But this incident made me feel better, well, mostly, about her adjusting to my absence if I were to take up full-time work. I was always told that mothers worry more than the kids, and, though I still stand my ground (because there are times when the child will not co-operate!), I am now willing to listen to the other point of view..

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February 24, 2008 · 6:28 am

Getting her to eat is an uphill task

Like most mothers, I am kind of obsessed with my daughter’s eating. I spend a lot of time just trying to get her to open her little mouth. Mostly, she’s ok about it. I mean there are things she likes, and there are things that she would not touch with a bargepole – do what you might. And it’s the latter that bothers me, because she won’t eat much fruit – used to love bananas, but now, much my my consternation, it’s fallen out of favor.

My husband says I should not worry about what she’s not eating. But, I differ. If I don’t worry about it, or constantly try to innovate, she’ll eat plain boiled rice!

Today, however, I am tired and don’t have the energy to make up stories just so she’d open her mouth. I tried feeding her a banana and she cried, then asked for cereal and toast,which she just likes to play with. I let her, and all she did was strew the cereal on the floor while watching Teletubbies!

That’s the other thing. She watches TV while eating – a big no no for a lot of mommies, but for me, I don’t mind at all. It may not be ideal and later I may even regret it, but for now, it makes her eat and I’d rather she does that than I try new stunts everyday! She watches Barney and Teletubbies and eats happily.

There’s something to be said for that.

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February 21, 2008 · 9:41 am

Her Birthday Party

I’d planned and planned my daughter’s second birthday party, and my efforts did pay off, because it went off really well, but, I got the flu, and was too sick to even stand on the day of the party.

It hit me hard on the morning of the party – the headache, the nausea, the works – could just about manage to put something on and get into the car. I felt and looked terrible. I’d wanted to get my hair done or at least wash it nicely, but it was not to be. Instead, I looked like something out of Adam’s Family Values!

But, the party was great – wonderful sunny day, nice music, kids happy. And luckily my mother was there, thank God for her; she took charge and organized all the games etc while I sat and watched it all from a corner..

I’d done an animal farm theme with yellow and green balloons and lots of hay. The kids loved it, esp the treasure hunt, which was in the hay.

As for me, I planted myself next to the return gift’s table and sipped sweet lime like it was vintage wine, and waited for the party to get over. Then I went home and crashed out.

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February 16, 2008 · 2:53 am

I’ve driven myself crazy with her birthday party..

Maybe because I am new to this birthday stuff, having done it only once before since she’s now two, I am going a little over the top.

First there’s the thing about calling everyone who’s called you – and that’s a long list. Then there are others who you want to invite anyway, so you do. Before I knew it, I had a list of some hundred people – forty-five of them children of varying ages – from 0 to 15!

So there’s the cake, the decorations, the catering, the music, the return gifts (each individually packed for the kids since the ages are so varied I could not just get one thing for everyone)

Then there’s the dress for her to wear. It’s amazing how difficult it is to find something simple you like. If you go for the party dresses, you are confronted with dresses that remind you of layered puddings, and the regular ones are too simple.

Anyway, I was out the whole day yesterday and got most of the work done, also found something nice for her to wear – now she has to wear it, because of late she’s been picky!! It’s a toddler thing I hear..

I returned home in the evening with a throbbing headache and fever. Ugh.

Hopefully, I’ll be better by Sunday.

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February 15, 2008 · 4:37 am

Now I’m Jekyll, now I’m Hyde

The title says it all.

There are days I feel great about everything and nothing seems to pull me down – skies seem bluer than blue , mind turns wildly positive – all that good stuff.

Then, there are days when a cloud seems to come over, when nothing goes right and the smallest thing is enough to get me down.

I’ve been wondering why this happens. I think, partly, that’s how motherhood is – a wild roller coaster ride through life. But, I am not sure how many other mommies feel this way, or at least how many other mommies swing between the two as often as I do.

While I’ve been doing all this reflecting, I’ve also been wondering how many days in a month do I feel happy, and how many days do I feel all aagghhh and crabby. I am not sure. You have an impression of yourself, and it’s not always the right one, which is why you say things like “no, I don’t always do this…”, or “I am not always crabby, blah blah….!”

So, I’ve decided to document it. And what better way than my little blog? This way I can look back and maybe see a trend, because the first step in solving something is recognizing the problem. And while I am not sure how much this will actually help, it’ll be good to record it anyway.

In the next couple of days, thus, I am adding, two new pages to my blog – most (un) imaginatively called Jekyll and Hyde! I’ll try and write everyday, even if it’s to say, which one I am that day – Jekyll or Hyde! (it’s starting to scare me now that I am writing about it, all this split personality stuff!!)

How long will this last? Who can say???

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February 12, 2008 · 2:47 pm

So far so good..

When you start working out, even if it’s twenty minutes a day, you feel a sense of achievement. By day three you even feel like some of those stubborn love handles have started to relent, and that’s a great feeling. It’s what makes you go on, because the last thing you want to do, is put the weight back on that you tried so hard to shed!

So, that’s where I am right now. Apart from the weight, I feel better about life in general too. No one can tell the difference and the first few pounds will not make you look a whole lot different, but that’s not the point at that moment. You’ll move past that soon and then people will start telling you what they observe.

I am doing these couple of things apart from the exercise.

1. Walking when I can and not getting into the car, if it’s a short distance and I am not pressed for time.

2. Snacking healthy: Am munching carrots as I write this!

3. Drinking a lot of water.

4. Have made my meal portions just a tad bit less, not a whole lot, but you know the point when you know you’re full and you have that extra bite – I’ve killed that extra bite I thought would hardly affect me. It’s helped

5. This one I am not doing but it’s great if you can: Eat by seven and nothing after that. Drink water if you feel like something, or eat a fruit.

Like I always say, it’s great when all is going well, then you can do all of the above but when you let go even a little, it all kind of crumbles. Am hoping it won’t get to that again!

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