February 15, 2008 · 4:37 am

Now I’m Jekyll, now I’m Hyde

The title says it all.

There are days I feel great about everything and nothing seems to pull me down – skies seem bluer than blue , mind turns wildly positive – all that good stuff.

Then, there are days when a cloud seems to come over, when nothing goes right and the smallest thing is enough to get me down.

I’ve been wondering why this happens. I think, partly, that’s how motherhood is – a wild roller coaster ride through life. But, I am not sure how many other mommies feel this way, or at least how many other mommies swing between the two as often as I do.

While I’ve been doing all this reflecting, I’ve also been wondering how many days in a month do I feel happy, and how many days do I feel all aagghhh and crabby. I am not sure. You have an impression of yourself, and it’s not always the right one, which is why you say things like “no, I don’t always do this…”, or “I am not always crabby, blah blah….!”

So, I’ve decided to document it. And what better way than my little blog? This way I can look back and maybe see a trend, because the first step in solving something is recognizing the problem. And while I am not sure how much this will actually help, it’ll be good to record it anyway.

In the next couple of days, thus, I am adding, two new pages to my blog – most (un) imaginatively called Jekyll and Hyde! I’ll try and write everyday, even if it’s to say, which one I am that day – Jekyll or Hyde! (it’s starting to scare me now that I am writing about it, all this split personality stuff!!)

How long will this last? Who can say???

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February 12, 2008 · 2:47 pm

So far so good..

When you start working out, even if it’s twenty minutes a day, you feel a sense of achievement. By day three you even feel like some of those stubborn love handles have started to relent, and that’s a great feeling. It’s what makes you go on, because the last thing you want to do, is put the weight back on that you tried so hard to shed!

So, that’s where I am right now. Apart from the weight, I feel better about life in general too. No one can tell the difference and the first few pounds will not make you look a whole lot different, but that’s not the point at that moment. You’ll move past that soon and then people will start telling you what they observe.

I am doing these couple of things apart from the exercise.

1. Walking when I can and not getting into the car, if it’s a short distance and I am not pressed for time.

2. Snacking healthy: Am munching carrots as I write this!

3. Drinking a lot of water.

4. Have made my meal portions just a tad bit less, not a whole lot, but you know the point when you know you’re full and you have that extra bite – I’ve killed that extra bite I thought would hardly affect me. It’s helped

5. This one I am not doing but it’s great if you can: Eat by seven and nothing after that. Drink water if you feel like something, or eat a fruit.

Like I always say, it’s great when all is going well, then you can do all of the above but when you let go even a little, it all kind of crumbles. Am hoping it won’t get to that again!

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February 11, 2008 · 6:09 pm

Getting into shape -2

It took a lot of will power today to do my spot-jogging, but I did it, and some stretches after that too. Felt so much better. I’ve found that watching TV while jogging works quite well for me, the time passes by more quickly and I don’t keep staring at the watch to see how long it’s been, only to find that some three minutes have passed!

Mornings would be ideal, but I’ve learned not to expect anything quite “ideal” when you are the mother of a toddler, so I’ve told myself I’ll do it when I can.

Evening was really the only time, before I fed my daughter dinner. We came back from our walk – she and I – and then I left her with the maid telling her that I had to do something. Sometimes she clings to my leg and pleads me to take her too, and when she does that, I give up all that I was intending to do and stay with her. Don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, but that’s what I do. (And vent here later!)

Today, however, she let me go, and I didn’t push my luck by looking back. I ran. Thirty minutes later I was a happier mommy and wanted her back in my room.

Twenty minutes of spot-jogging or forty minutes of brisk walking they say is a good start. That’s what I am doing, let’s see how much I can shed!

And yes, I’ve been very good about the no-snacking too. Ate some carrots when I wanted a snack, and drank some water – made me feel very full, really worked.

Not sure how long I can be good. But today was great. Now, if only I can repeat this everyday. (Big) Sigh.

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February 10, 2008 · 7:44 am

What have you been doing with your time? No, seriously, the kid stuff aside.

Some one asked me this question the other night. He was an older gentleman, vaguely related to me. We were at this party and he asked me what I’ve been doing for the past two years apart from having “one big holiday”. I bit my tongue and didn’t take the bait. I’ve learned not to, because people love to rile you up and it negatively affects no one but you. But, this gentleman in question refused to relent, he kept asking me, much to the consternation of his poor (and quite lovely) wife.

I still didn’t take the bait. That irritated him and it made me chuckle, which made him madder. But, I did tell him that I thought he had a wonderful wife who, incidentally, had given up work to bring up their kids. That was ok with him, because she was doing what a wife must do!!

So I told him that I intended to enjoy my “holiday” for a long time to come, just like his wife had enjoyed hers.

But, I have to admit, and I hate to, that it affected me, his remark and calling my time away from work and with my daughter a “big holiday”. That’s what men think, most men think it irrespective of what they may say, that being at home is not that much of a big deal, anyone can do it. The mentality is : ya all this house and baby stuff is great, and here pat-pat on your back ; there! makes you feel better? But, come on don’t pretend it’s real work.

It makes me mad, and I try not to think about it, but can’t help wondering why men just don’t get it? They want to have their cake and eat it too..so you want to marry a smart- intelligent-career woman, someone who can look good too with you at social events, but who should be willing to give up everything and bring up your child. And, you don’t want to admit that it’s a big deal, after all you earn the bread and the woman only spends it, so why complain?

That chauvinist thinking, scarily, has not changed much from the last generation. And I wonder when it will, but I am hoping my daughter does not have to put up with this nonsense when she grows up.

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February 8, 2008 · 2:38 pm

That blessed pms

I don’t know which sitcom it was I watched once when I was living in New York, but the woman in it said something that I can never forget: she said, that in a month she was either pre-menstrual, menstrual or post-menstrual and had just about one normal day in a month! I could say the same right now.

See, I was getting very good with the spot-jogging and all that, till, yes, till I got the blues and blues in the winter are bluer than blue, so I went from I-am-going-to-be Cindy-Crawford kind of feeling to I-want-to-eat-all-the-chocolate-in-the-world-who-am-I-kidding-with-the-Cindy-
Crawford-stuff feeling!

I crave sweets when I get my period, no wait, I crave sweets, before and after too. And the spot-jogging kind of stops too. So, you’re back to ignoring the weighing scale like it’s some monster in your bathroom, daring you to stand on it. Sigh.

You know what else I read the other day? that in some women, the pre-menopause stress starts twenty years in advance! Ok, so that was good to know. In short, if you’re looking forward to menopause, you may well be insane by the time you get there.

So, my bone to pick with God would be this (when I meet him/her): Surely there was another way to do all this baby stuff?? I mean look at it: you brood, you bleed, you ache, you feel unexplained depression, then you have a baby and it tears your vagina apart, (I didn’t take an epidural by the way, don’t ask me why) then you finally, after years of turmoil, get to menopause, but, wait, it ain’t over, because now start the hot flashes and God knows what else. By the time it’s all over, you’re sixty.

Again, surely there was another way!

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February 3, 2008 · 6:11 pm

Birthdays and the waste of it..someone stop it!

Sundays are not what they used to be – lazy days in pajamas with the kids; pouring over the papers over endless cups of tea; radio playing merry songs – no, not even close. Sundays are now hurried days when you get up, get dressed, dress the kid/s, and head off for a birthday party, wondering on the way weather the gift you decided to buy was appropriate enough, because some people give return gifts that are more expensive than the one you took them!

At one level, I want to say “lump it”, I’ll do what I can and not worry about how elaborate people want to make their kids’ parties. And I do do that. I usually don’t worry too much about it. But then you get to the party and you see the effort that’s been put in (not to mention the money) – electric trains, cars, big bouncies, catered food, tattoo artists..etc etc..and your daughter looks at you and says, “mama I want a big train at my birthday too”. Then you wonder why you came? Or, rather, you wish someone would stop this madness.

I want to go back to the days when a birthday meant some chocolate cake and playing treasure hunt at home.

Where are all the sane people? Someone stop this. Maybe I should.

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February 2, 2008 · 7:56 pm

A man just does not have it in him, or does he?

Is it that men, well, men in general, are made differently and so when it comes to childcare they do it in a way that makes moms say “I’d rather do that myself”. Or is that just a really clever way of getting out of something? I mean, just do it badly, and you’re on the couch watching TV while the mommy feeds the screaming baby!

I think it’s a combination. Men don’t have the patience. It takes me one hour to feed my daughter, and I do it patiently because her eating is something I am kind of very particular about, like most moms.

But, for my husband, if she resists, then he cannot cajole her, he just does not have it in him. But there’s another thing, that he does not think it’s necessary..and that’s where I differ. I think it is.

Apart from everything else, look at the chain reaction it starts: no dinner = hungry baby= waking up in the middle of the night for milk = sleep deprived mommy = crabby mommy.

And crabby not so much because she woke up, but because she woke up since she ate no dinner, because the one day that the mommy had something to do, the daddy could not try and feed her!

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