March 13, 2008 · 3:10 am

When do you move them out to their room?

I’ve been good about putting my daughter in her cot, and she loves to sleep in it. The next phase of moving her to her room, however, is going to be difficult.

In India, it’s kind of normal for the kids to sleep in the same room as the parents till they are five or six, sometimes even later. I am not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know it’s good to move them out sooner rather than later, but when I actually do it, would I be worried about her at night? Will I go to her room five times at night to check on her? And I am not even getting into how she’ll take to it, or rather not take to it, knowing my two-year old!

It’s easier when there are two kids, I guess. I have two siblings and we used to sleep in our room as kids. I, being the youngest, was always happy to be with them, we’d joke and laugh (and fight!) at night and I loved it. But, in the case of my daughter it’s going to be different, since she’s the only one, and, because I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom, she’s quite clingy.

But thinking about it, I’ve realized that it’s as much about me as it is about her. I first need to be ok about it and only then will I be able to convince her. Kids are really smart about knowing how serious their parents are about something they want them to do. If she detects uncertainty, or even leniency, in my voice when I tell her, she won’t do it. She knows when I mean business and when I don’t!

So I have to think about it a little more, and then break it to her only when I am sure. But, I have to say, I will miss her at night (see what I mean??) – miss peering into her cot to see if her blanket is still on her and to see her angelic sleeping face – aren’t they so very angelic when they sleep!

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March 6, 2008 · 7:30 pm

Potty training the husband!

My daughter is now two and I have to say that training her to pee and poo was very very easy, I guess I was just lucky, but I also tried hard – used to put her on the pot first thing in the morning and to keep her there I would sing and tell her stories, till she got used to it. She was fully trained at a year and a half. Now it’s only the night diaper that needs to go.

But, that’s where my luck ends. I’ve not been able to train her father!

I was in my room the other day and my daughter said “mama potty”. Now she says potty even when she needs to pee, so I told my husband to make her sit on the pot, since I was busy with something. He took her to her bathroom and after about two minutes I heard him screaming for me and for the maid, who was eating her dinner. My heart sank. In the five seconds it took me to get to them, I had imagined all sorts of gory scenarios.

I ran into the bathroom, as did my maid, our hearts in our mouths. He looks at me and says “she’s doing the real potty!!” he was close to hysterical.

I stopped in my tracks and blinked. “Potty?, that’s it?”

“Real Potty!” he declared again.

My daughter was amused:”Mama, dad does not know how to clean potty!”

My maid looked at me and started laughing (it lightened the mood I have to say, I was pretty mad)

I could not believe it. He looked at me helplessly, and said: “I don’t know what to do”

Me: “Don’t know what to do!!! Stick your finger in her bum and wash it!” (In India we use water to wash)

He handed her to me, saying: “I am not good at this stuff”

Me: “I was not born knowing what to do, try washing, it’s really not that hard!”

He could not do it, has not done it once in these two years and I guess he’s not about to start now.

Go, guess who was left holding the baby? Yup, yours truly.

I could train an eighteen month old, but that’s not possible for her thirty-something father!

What can I say, except “aaaaggghhhhhhhhhh!!!”

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March 1, 2008 · 1:23 pm

My greatest fear is getting bigger..

I’ve given up work for my daughter, now two. It’s something I wanted to do, but also, it’s not like I really had a choice either. I could hardly leave her to a maid for the whole day, since none of her grandparents, for some convoluted-yet-understandable reason or the other, could baby sit her. In India, let me add, it’s very common for the grannies, especially, to do so. But in my case, it was not to be.

So, I quit work and sunk deep into domestic life, and you know the thing about that, it’s like quicksand, once you’re in it, you only sink deeper – you’re at home, so you handle everything, there’s no escape. Before you know it, you’re up to your head with all sorts of home-running issues, you have no time for yourself, you don’t care about your appearance and life runs you by.

Then, one day, you meet an old classmate who heads some firm or the other (everyone heads divisions in companies these days, makes you wonder where all the followers are??) Anyway, you meet this all tip-top (Indian phrase for someone nattily turned out) person who tells you how hard she’s working, but how great the money is, and all the rest of it. That’s when you look at yourself and wonder where your life is heading, and that thought does not lead to anywhere good, you don’t like what you see in your future. It’s when your mother’s words ring loud in your ears and you try and brush them away – that in a few years your kid will be grown up and would not need you that much, but by then you’d have been out of the race (it’s all about being in the race, unfortunately) too long and people would politely tell you that, sometimes not so politely.

But what can I do? I am not sure. What I know is that I am going down a path I never thought I would, and my biggest fear is that a few years down the road, it’ll hit me and I’ll lose it..it’s my fear and, what’s worse, is that I know it well might happen, yet I keep walking down that road..

Men don’t understand it, they never will, because they never face it. It’s not fair.

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February 28, 2008 · 2:54 pm

My enervating stomach flu, and my two-year old was a sweetheart though it!

Been so sick the whole, what’s it’s been, don’t know, been more than a week now..intestinal infection or something like that. It was debilitating and I was smart enough not to drink enough water, so guess what, I almost landed myself in hospital! But, long story short, the doctor fired me (as did my family…) and I sulked in bed sipping oral re hydration salts in water for three days! But, at least the hospital was avoided, if only by a hair’s breath.

So this is when I thank God for being in India, because I just handed my daughter to my maid and didn’t know anything for all that time. But, in my waking moments I was worried about her, wondering if she was able to cope, was she cranky? Did she feel sad..

But it amazed me how resilient little kids can be. My mother always told me that but I had my doubts. Now, however, I don’t. My daughter was amazing through it all. She would run up to me in bed and say “mama, ouchie okay?”. I’d tell her I was better and then she’s run along saying “mama got ouchie in her tummy”. She ate, bathed, and even slept without me even so much as getting up (to the extent that, I must admit that happy as I was about this development, I was a tad bit disappointed that she was quite cool about it – I consoled myself by saying that it was because she could still see me and so was not insecure!)

But this incident made me feel better, well, mostly, about her adjusting to my absence if I were to take up full-time work. I was always told that mothers worry more than the kids, and, though I still stand my ground (because there are times when the child will not co-operate!), I am now willing to listen to the other point of view..

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February 24, 2008 · 6:28 am

Getting her to eat is an uphill task

Like most mothers, I am kind of obsessed with my daughter’s eating. I spend a lot of time just trying to get her to open her little mouth. Mostly, she’s ok about it. I mean there are things she likes, and there are things that she would not touch with a bargepole – do what you might. And it’s the latter that bothers me, because she won’t eat much fruit – used to love bananas, but now, much my my consternation, it’s fallen out of favor.

My husband says I should not worry about what she’s not eating. But, I differ. If I don’t worry about it, or constantly try to innovate, she’ll eat plain boiled rice!

Today, however, I am tired and don’t have the energy to make up stories just so she’d open her mouth. I tried feeding her a banana and she cried, then asked for cereal and toast,which she just likes to play with. I let her, and all she did was strew the cereal on the floor while watching Teletubbies!

That’s the other thing. She watches TV while eating – a big no no for a lot of mommies, but for me, I don’t mind at all. It may not be ideal and later I may even regret it, but for now, it makes her eat and I’d rather she does that than I try new stunts everyday! She watches Barney and Teletubbies and eats happily.

There’s something to be said for that.

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February 21, 2008 · 9:41 am

Her Birthday Party

I’d planned and planned my daughter’s second birthday party, and my efforts did pay off, because it went off really well, but, I got the flu, and was too sick to even stand on the day of the party.

It hit me hard on the morning of the party – the headache, the nausea, the works – could just about manage to put something on and get into the car. I felt and looked terrible. I’d wanted to get my hair done or at least wash it nicely, but it was not to be. Instead, I looked like something out of Adam’s Family Values!

But, the party was great – wonderful sunny day, nice music, kids happy. And luckily my mother was there, thank God for her; she took charge and organized all the games etc while I sat and watched it all from a corner..

I’d done an animal farm theme with yellow and green balloons and lots of hay. The kids loved it, esp the treasure hunt, which was in the hay.

As for me, I planted myself next to the return gift’s table and sipped sweet lime like it was vintage wine, and waited for the party to get over. Then I went home and crashed out.

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February 16, 2008 · 2:53 am

I’ve driven myself crazy with her birthday party..

Maybe because I am new to this birthday stuff, having done it only once before since she’s now two, I am going a little over the top.

First there’s the thing about calling everyone who’s called you – and that’s a long list. Then there are others who you want to invite anyway, so you do. Before I knew it, I had a list of some hundred people – forty-five of them children of varying ages – from 0 to 15!

So there’s the cake, the decorations, the catering, the music, the return gifts (each individually packed for the kids since the ages are so varied I could not just get one thing for everyone)

Then there’s the dress for her to wear. It’s amazing how difficult it is to find something simple you like. If you go for the party dresses, you are confronted with dresses that remind you of layered puddings, and the regular ones are too simple.

Anyway, I was out the whole day yesterday and got most of the work done, also found something nice for her to wear – now she has to wear it, because of late she’s been picky!! It’s a toddler thing I hear..

I returned home in the evening with a throbbing headache and fever. Ugh.

Hopefully, I’ll be better by Sunday.

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