I can tell you this – that I never thought it would happen. I never thought I would get back to real work. Yes, I was pretty sure that after ten years of being at home and looking after kids, I was good for nothing else. That no one in their right minds would hire me, which was quite alright, because, in my opinion, I was quite un-hireable. That’s what being at home does to you – you start to believe in the stereotype.
Well, I could not have been more wrong. Neither was I un-hireable nor had my being at home taken away from the person I was. Yes, I had been sucked into the demands of my home (and that was a choice I made, for whatever reason) and for a while I was that mother in the park who befriended others like her and thought that she would never be able to escape from the unending cycles of birthday parties, piano classes and fixing the mixie. But that was a period in time when I could not think beyond that. And while it may have temporarily lulled my grey cells into talking about maids, mothers-in-law and electricians, it really did not really make me into the person I thought I had become. When I went back to work, the real me (ya, I know, it’s a cliché, but it’s true) just wriggled out of that home-mommy skin and rose to the occasion – something I never thought I could do.
And this is not about me being some super star who could rise from the ashes and go back to work because I was some genius who’s been rescued from the interminable demands of domesticity. No, I am like every other mother who makes a choice to be at home, but that so-called choice is not really one. Because a choice gives you options and let’s you pick what you like. When someone like me chooses to be home, she’s doing to because she has nowhere to leave her child – really not a matter of choice. I’ve heard so many people say to stay-at-home moms that they made a choice, and I always find it interesting – the use of that word. Given a real choice, where the woman can get back to work and be allowed to be flexible as long as she delivers the work, many women I know would have opted to be back at work.
But what I do want to say to women is this – stay mentally active, that’s key. You will find something to do once things at home settle a bit. No, it’ll never be fully settled, but that’s ok, you’ll learn to deal with it. This last week my daughter had been ill, so I left work early and came home. Then I worked at night and on Saturday from home and completed some tasks. And yes, I still have to do the birthday stuff, the homework, the classes and all that comes with being a mum – work has to be managed with all that. But you know what, you learn to do it. Sure there are days when you feel overwhelmed, but nothing in life is easy. I’ve wanted to get back to work for so long and now that I have done it, the other things will have to be fitted in. The people around you learn too – your husband, your kids, your help – they all start to do their bit to help you. That’s what I learnt – they see that you are happy and they want it to stay that way.
I underestimated the people around me. I always thought that things would fall apart if I plugged out. But they don’t – somehow it all happens. And yes, I’ve learnt to let-go of a few things – the dust behind the cabinet for one. I don’t care if it gets swept once in a few days. It’s just not important anymore. Working on a presentation for a client beats that any day.
5 responses to “From a Stay-At-Home-Mom to a Working One”
I loved this post and found myself nodding away im agreement.
I’m a SAHM to two kids after working for about 8 years. Been on a break for the last 3.5 years and since the beginning of this year, been restless and been driving myself and everyone in my family crazy about the death of my ‘career’.
If you don’t mind, I’d like some advice on how to get a job after a break. Is there an email ID I can reach you on? Thanks a lot!
Hi Aruna. Thanks for your comments. I have been there and I know what it’s like. Write to me at email@example.com. I am co founder of an initiative that helps women get back to work..
Thanks a lot for your response. I sent you an email. Look forward to hearing from you.
Wow, I found this soooo useful! As a stay at home of a three year old, I find myself always questioning when I’ll ever get back to a life that doesn’t revolve around my kid. The idea you’ve drawn out of the choices we make really comforts me. So glad I found your blog!
Thanks Sangeetha for your comment. Yes, it’s hard for a woman, but you must make your way back to work. At this point, I know you need to be there for your child, but you need to think about yourself too. Very soon your child will have his or her own life, and you’ll be staring at a vacuum..