The Twins Have Started School

The twins have started school and I have mixed feelings about it (they don’t, by the way, they hate it).

I am relieved that they are now out of the house for a few hours, but, I miss them terribly. I am so used to waking up to their combined chatter, non-stop from the time they wake up, to the time they can’t fight sleep anymore and flop down in the night, that now the mornings seem empty and quiet.

Also, I have a confession to make. I cannot take their crying and yelling, as the teachers take them away from me at the school gate. I can hear them (the younger twin especially) pleading for me, and I cave. Yes, I cry. I feel silly, of course, but that does not stop the tears – they keep rolling down and I find it hard to swallow that lump in my throat (it’s coming back now with the memory of that parting)

I dread the mornings, when I have to drop them to school; when I try and create an artificially lively environment in the car by singing and talking about some irrelevant topic as a distraction method. I put on nursery rhymes and ask them to sing along. Needless to say, my completely transparent efforts are met with stoic silence from my otherwise chirpy twins. They look at me with sad eyes and declare that they don’t like school. It makes me want to turn back and take them home. Clearly, my nerves are not exactly made of steel, to put it mildly.

I called my mum when I was at school the other day. She understood, of course, but then she asked me how I’d feel when they’d grow up and go away. I could not imagine it. I don’t like to think of myself as a clingy mother, and I always thought I’d have the strength to let my children go, but now I am having serious doubts on any such abilities I thought I may have had. (God bless my kids!)

These years will pass I know. They’ll pass too soon says my mother, I guess from experience. If she could, she would summon Well’s Time Traveller and go back in time, to when we were little. She does not understand why I want to do just the reverse, to get propelled into the future! I see her point now, though. I cannot imagine how it will be to be old; to see my kids only once in a while; to call them and be told that they were busy- that they would call me back. In theory I know that’s how it will be, but when we are actually there, it’s not like all this reflection would help the reality.

Anyway, I digress. Didn’t mean to write all this. I meant to just pour out some feelings about my “separation anxiety” in child psychology parlance (except that in my case both the kids and the mother suffer from it!!)

I know they’ll settle and I can start to make use of my time. It’s a milestone and I am not sure how I feel about it. When I picked them up from school today, the younger one said “mama, I like home”..

6 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

6 responses to “The Twins Have Started School

  1. chattywren

    Lovely post! Sometimes I think it is the parents/mothers who feel separation anxiety more than the kids. LOL, on the Time Traveller. Sad, we can’t have it both ways, isn’t it?

  2. This is always tough. I’m thankful I’m over this phase now. Can’t imagine how the empty nest will feel…:(
    Hope the twins settle down soon.

    • crabbymommy

      Today was better, but only mildly. They just didn’t want to go in! I know this will pass soon. Thanks for writing in..

  3. Arthi

    Came by here from my daughter’s blog. ( http://twilightween.wordpress.com)

    I know it is difficult to watch your child wail at the school gate and turn your back. However, there will soon be a day when she will come back and tell you ‘ I like it when you are not around when I get back from school’ Been there!

    • crabbymommy

      I know what you say is true and I am not sure how I’ll feel when that happens! I think we have a tendency to look back, or to the future, with rose tinted glasses. I am trying to appreciate my present and enjoy my kids before they grow up and lose the innocence which is so delightful right now..

  4. gfp

    beauty..
    Gurgaonflowerplaza.com

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