Am crabby. Again.

We’ve just returned from a holiday in the hills. It was glorious.

But, what could be more depressing than coming back from a holiday and jumping right into reality?

My mom called. Her hello was enough to make me sit down, I took a deep breath and I knew she had something to say and I also knew it was about my father. He’s had a minor surgery for some “growth” which has been sent for a biopsy. She took him for a routine prostrate check up and they admitted him right away to take the stuff out. She was not even sure if they’d given him a general anesthesia or a local one. I think it’s disgusting how doctors take some special pride in keeping the truth about patients to themselves and treating the caretakers as irritants asking irrelevant questions. While I understand that the constant pestering can test anyone’s patience, they should be a little more considerate and at least give out some information. Here my mom was waiting outside the room, unaware of what “procedure” was going on.

Now my mom is not someone who loses her nerve quickly, but, today she sounded tense. That’s got me so upset. I feel helpless sitting so far away, listing to her say that she would be able to drive him home without a problem. I know that she’s worried. And, at 76, this is not something she should be doing – driving her 80 year old husband home after the surgery (the driver was absconding, again)

I can’t do much, except call. I wish, well, I wish for so much that I won’t even start.

My husband says that the reason why life kind if “hits” you when you turn forty is that you feel the stress from all fronts – your children are young and your parents old, and they both need you. The road ahead looks long, and all your fears begin with – what if?

Today, I am going to try and not think about any what ifs? it’s not going to lead to anywhere good..

3 Comments

Filed under mommyrage

3 responses to “Am crabby. Again.

  1. Kaverii

    check out some good momma posts on breezermum.blogspot

  2. Hi, just came upon your blog when i was looking up something about a clingy 2 year old(2009 archive) and wanted to see what you’d written recently. Wow, so sorry about your dad being ill. I too live far from my parents, (me in Australia them in States) My dad passed on last year, and it was and has been the most intensly sorrowful thing I’ve ever dealt with. I’ve definatly come to peace with it now, and feel tht he is with me more now thatn before, but its hard. I was a wreck the weeks after he was diagnosed, and all I wanted to do was get on a plane and be with him, but with 2 under 5 it was huge, and we just didnt know how much time he had days, weeks, months? finally my brothers said come out asap, and I made the plans and gathered the girls, and went back to the states. I got to spend the last week of my fathers life with him and we got to share special time that I cherish. My mom has wonderful support around her, and though its like half of her self has been taken, she is ok. they were together 55 years. Try to stay centerd, and breathe, and hold your family close, and spread as much love on your parents as you can before they move on….

    • crabbymommy

      I have tears in my eyes as I read this.

      I know my father is not well, I know it. His reports are not good and he’s lost a lot of weight. I cannot imagine that one day, he’ll be gone..it’s so final and I find it hard to accept it.

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