A confused mind.

I think it’s mid life (no, not going to say crisis, yet). It must be something to do with mid life, because I am confused, stressed, angry, frustrated, and yet, quite happy with life, in general I mean. It’s possible. Didn’t think these mix of emotions can go together, but, apparently, they can!

I think about getting back to work, or to some sort of work. The twins will start school this spring and my older one will have a full day at school. So, I probably can do something, not a whole lot (what between picking, dropping, tennis, homework and the doctor visits thrown in for good measure) But, I can, if I try hard (and I do want to) have some sort of a work, freelance life.

The trouble is, what do I do? One day I wake up, ready to write that book that I’ve been writing in my head for the last ten years, or longer. My thoughts are lucid and I get a high thinking about it. This usually happens when I’ve had little sleep and returned from the gym, all charged up. By mid-day I run out of steam and my who-am-I-kidding mood drapes itself over me like a wet blanket. By the evening, I’ve given up that plan altogether.

Till, another day arrives with optimism, and I think about a neat business idea that I would love to work on and in my mind it all gets worked out – do-able I feel. I think about all the women who took the off beaten path and then made it somehow, against all odds, et all. Again, I get all excited about it, but, after the initial giddy excitement of having found what I want to do wanes a little, I start to see the holes in my so-called great idea and before long, poof! that’s abandoned too.

This happens over and over again. One day I am all set to go be a teacher at my daughter’s school. The other day I want to write, then I want to start a small business. Gosh. This is mid life, it better to be. Either that, or I am losing it, finally.

Between all these spasms I manage, and don’t ask me how, to actually do some freelance work. Some writing here, some design there, etc etc. A friend wants something done, I oblige; like that.

What I , however, do regularly, and this I am proud of, is go to the gym. Yup, started it earlier this year. Not crazy about it, but I do it and it’s shown results. A good feeling.

More on this in my next post..



Filed under mommyrage

2 responses to “A confused mind.

  1. sweetopiagirl

    Reblogged this on Inspiredweightloss.

  2. Saurav

    I have been hunting (yes, literally on the prowl) for a few minds by doing a Google search. We live in an age, where they say, short of getting the Almighty himself, we can possibly get all we want.

    So here’s the answer to your anticipated questions:

    Who am I? I am a senior journo, turned media management pro turned management consultant. Delhi-based. Deep sense of “doing something” that quenches the soul. An NGO perhaps. But not the typical cliched types. Certainly not the social welfare bunkum. More details when we get to chat.

    Am putting together a foundation, which requires some minds. For starters. Can’t predict what else at this stage, since it’s all at a formatic and conceptial stage, although I have managed to design a logo, book a domain and create a skeleton of the website as a proof of concept.

    It’s just coincidental that I searched for “old parents” and bumped into your post on your parents, and then clicked on your December link and read your latest post about mid life. That’s when I decided to write to you. May be I would like touch base and explore, if there’s any mind mapping possible here.

    An of course, the nicety of getting to know someone who blogs so articulately!

    Hoping to know you better.


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