My five year old is just about getting out of the really clingy stage (still demanding, don’t get me wrong, that’s not going to change – mommy must do everything!) But, she’s past that I-am-going-to-stick-to-your-leg-do-what-you-can state. So that’s something of a relief. (She’s developed other somewhat distressing habits, like the sulking and moodiness of a teenager, but, more on that later – another post). For now I am happy that she’s not hanging around me like a rope, on most days.
However, the twins, now one and a half, are right there! Clingy does not quite define their behavior right now. They are gluey to the point that I cannot even escape to the bathroom without them pounding on the door beseeching me to come out. And that makes me wonder if this is so extreme because I’ve done/am doing something wrong!
The only thing I can think of is that, at night, I don’t put them to bed. I leave the room because they drink milk (still on the bottle!) before sleeping and I can’t put two of them in my lap and feed them, so I leave them to their maids, something they were OK with till recently, but now they scream and shout and want me in the room. The problem, however, is that if I do try and put them to bed, they fight over who has to be in my lap, pushing the other out. It leads to much shouting and crying, with both of them saying “both babies!!” or “Mama, I want your lap!”.
It’s now kind of become a vicious circle – I flee because they fight each other for me, and no matter which one I pick up, I feel bad for the other. I leave because then, at least, they know that I’ve not picked one over the other. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I do know that, because I leave, they get clingier. I did try once to lie down next to them and pat them both, didn’t work. They both wanted to climb all over me and fought sleep.
Maybe I need to do this a few times to make them believe that I am not going to leave them at sleep time. But then, I get tired by the end of the day and look forward to a little bit of downtime before I go to bed. And that’s what I am going to have to give up if I have to put them to bed too. I have no time in the evenings to myself, none at all. My older one has to be fed and put to bed by 8:00 – 8:20, on school nights, so once we come back from the park, I am on a fast track to get her all set for the night. Then we eat dinner (mostly, I eat with the twins taking turns to sit on my lap while I try and eat!). Then I play with them for about forty minutes, till the maids eat and wrap up. So, by the time it’s time for them to sleep, I am out of steam (and patience). That’s when I want a bit of time to unwind, talk to my husband (seems like that never happens nowadays – a gap’s developing that I don’t like). The kids sleep with us at night, and the twins still wake up a lot, so I don’t get even one uninterrupted night’s sleep – they sometimes wake up at the same time and in their sleep they cry for mommy. That’s the hardest part, because they are sleepy and not in a mood for sharing their mother and I am not my best at that time either.
What am I doing wrong? Do all mothers of twins go through this?
I have so much to write, but, I need to sleep now. It’s late and something keeps telling me to stop blogging and sleep while the kids are sleeping too. Wonder what tonight will be like..
To bed now.
4 responses to “The clingy stage, all over again, and this time, it’s double trouble!!”
My friend had twins..and the old sayiing comes to mind..the one that demands the most gets the most…she said exactly the same as you ..feeling guilty about giving one to much attention…I dont envy you…hoever I have a 22 year old and a 7 year old ..needless to say the 22 year old boy still craves more attention(at times stilll clinging onto my leg and crying everytime I leave the room .haha ) were as the little 7 year old girl is an angel….great post…Eliza keating
Thanks for your comment! It does make me feel better that this is normal with twins. I was getting convinced that I brought this upon myself!
Guess the clingyness never completely goes away! If your son still does that, then I have a loooooong way to go. Sigh!
Hi there… First time on your blog.
I have a 26 month old and another on the way, and my son has this same clinging issues and i am going crazy thinking how il manage with 2!!! 😀
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